Feeling Sexually Rejected By Husband: What To Do When Your Husband Rejects You Sexually

Feeling Sexually Rejected By Husband: What To Do When Your Husband Rejects You Sexually

It has been estimated that up to a third of married couples live in sexless relationships (the definition of a sexless marriage is one in which the couple have sex less than ten times a year.) Many more couples have sex much less frequently than at least one partner - and often both partners - would like.

The problem is that for most couples the passion in their relationship tends to wane with time. They become bored with the relationship and just don't have the feelings for them they once did. The other reason can be that other pressures, such as career, children and financial pressures, can put sex, and even the relationship, well down on the list of priorities.

If you are in a sexless marriage or would like your sex life to be better, the first step is to realise that it is possible to have a passion-filled relationship or marriage, even if you have been with your partner or spouse for months or even years. This is true because there are indeed long-term couples - not many unfortunately - who DO have amazing relationships. They love being with each other and are crazy about each other. They have passionate sex lives which gets better with time. And they seem to be exceptionally happy and alive in each other's company.

If it's possible for other couples in similar circumstances to yourself then it's certainly possible for you. You just need to work out what they do and do it - because the truth is the whole underlying dynamics of their relationship are very different to those of "average" couples.

So what are they doing differently? Well the most important thing to realise is that they have a set of beliefs that keep each other at the center of each other's lives. Think back to when you and your partner first fell in love. Didn't you just think they were the most amazing, beautiful, exciting, sexy person on the planet?

And let me ask you - do you still feel that way? If the answer is no, then you need to restore the beliefs and feelings you had at the start of your relationship. This is definitely possible - because they are the feelings and beliefs that couples who maintain passionate relationships have.

You may be concerned that, even if you do start to feel that way again, it will be a waste of time because your partner will not share the same passionate feelings as you. But what happens is that when you have these "passionate" beliefs, you begin to act differently in your relationship or marriage. Once you do that you will influence your partner's beliefs very strongly. Pretty soon you have them believing what you do about the two of you, and their behavior will change as well.

This is not deception or trickery. It comes from a place of very deep love for your partner and is about you putting renewed energy into your relationship. You cannot fake it, and you also cannot change your behavior (and your results) by simple willpower. You must change things at a fundamental level, which is in how you view your marriage or relationship.

Most couples in sexless marriages have simply drifted into that place. They wake up one day feeling regret and realising that the passion and sex are way below what they would like. They think back fondly to the early days of their relationship or marriage and resign themselves to thinking the passion is gone forever.

Don't do that! Work on your beliefs. Above all, work on changing them back to what they were at the beginning. This is the path to creating a great sexual relationship - one that was even better than it was and one which will keep developing over time.

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Our issues are like rust that settle at the bottom of the barrel. When God starts healing us, these rust rise up and start floating on the surface.

Most of the time we are not even aware that these issues exist. We have buried it so deep that it has hardened inside our hearts. Then one day something happens that stir up these issues from within. You start wondering where they came from, only to realize they've been there for years.

Marriage is a place where God starts stirring up these issues. It is in marriage where we experience the most hurtful things simply because our spouse is the closest person to us. We are one with them. They are the ones who will affect us the most... positively and negatively.

I didn't realize until I got into fights with my husband that I had severe anger issues. I have never been an angry person. What I didn't realize was that I had deep seated bitterness within me brought about by my hurts from the past. This anger was never expressed. And though I have released forgiveness for the persons who have hurt me, I have not really allowed God to heal me thoroughly. Or perhaps God was just waiting for the most perfect time to heal me, and that is in and through my marriage.

The fights in my marriage was God stirring up the water in the barrel so that the rust will rise up to the surface, and so that He can expose the underlying issues and finally heal them. For how can God expose my anger issues if I don't get angry? And who else can make me more angry than the man I am one with, and a man who can be very provoking?

Other than my anger issues, God also started exposing pride issues, issues on rejection, lust issues, being easily offended issues, and so much more... issues I didn't know even existed or still existed.

Since marriage is the most intimate relationship God has designed (other than our relationship with Him), it follows that this is the relationship where we will be most comfortable with and the relationship where we can and will be our true selves. It is in marriage where our defenses are down and where we are most exposed.

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Nobody can know you better than your spouse (other than God, of course), and so God will use your spouse to expose something from you that you may not even be aware of. It may not be a deliberate attempt of your spouse to bring it out from you. It may be in the form of an argument, a heated discussion, or a fight.

Though God may begin the process of healing prior to your marriage, it is completed through your marriage. He who began a good work in you will bring it to full completion (Phil. 1:6).

The reason why marriage becomes the completion is because it is also where a man and woman experience completion. I am not saying that God will not heal you thoroughly unless you are married. I am simply talking about marriage and those who are married, and the kind of healing that takes place in that relationship.

Marriage is the union of a man and woman to become one flesh. In marriage, God's image is truly represented by the man and woman combined. This is why marriage is so valuable to God. It is in fact the symbol He used for Jesus and His church. The Bible starts with a marriage and ends with a marriage. It is for this reason why God will do everything He can to keep the marriage in the right perspective, most especially the marriages of those who are totally surrendered to Him. He wouldn't want to be represented in a disgraceful way which is the reason why He is in the business not only of healing the husband and the wife but of sanctifying them in and through the marriage.

So don't be shocked of your fights and arguments and even your disagreements. Don't give up when you don't see your spouse changing. Don't run away when your marriage is getting to be more difficult to handle. These are all necessary to expose your issues so God can heal both of you and therefore sanctify you.

Let God complete the process that He already started. He promised that He will perfect that which concerns you (Psalm 138:8). However, you have to cooperate with Him through your total surrender to what He is doing. Ask Him to show you what He is exposing from you. Ask Him to reveal to you. If you are serious enough, He will.

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Understanding men and why we're into women with initiative is a pretty straight forward idea. Not to be sexist, but in general, men have been traditionally the ones to take initiative and be the leaders. In a day and age where more and more women are being independent, men still have that sort of expectation in many places around the world.

In general though, a girl with initiative is attractive due to the whole confidence thing. It's no secret that confidence is the universal factor of attraction. We can't help but be attracted to people who are confident.

Of course, it's hard to just "be" confident. Initiative is usually the first step to confidence. This is how my girlfriend showed her initiative and how I responded to it...

That same day that I went to her house on my birthday, she proved to me that she was confident, despite not seeming like that sort of girl.

When I left, she took my hand and led me out to the driveway, where her parents couldn't see. When I was going in for the hug, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me deeply.

Did I mention that she hadn't kissed before?

I drew her into my body with my hands and embraced her while we kissed. I was VERY interested in her after that and I thought it was a pretty decent present. The day wasn't wasted after all.

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Even just going out to eat and things like that, it's good to show that you're confident. There's an issue where the guy always has to pay. Not with me and my girl. She pulls out her purse and pays for the meal at times. It reinforces the feeling that there's mutual respect and that we're on par.

It makes me appreciate her all the more and shows me that she does value me. Of course, I'd take the initiative most times and pay for the meal! It's all part of being a gentleman.

For women who find that understanding men is a troublesome task, just remember that with regards to initiative, regardless of the gender, it's an attractive trait. It shows that you're bold. It shows that you have confidence and that you know what you want out of life.

For women who aren't used to showing initiative, all I can tell you to do is to start small. Don't worry about demanding this and that, if your man usually does something for you, do it yourself instead and show him that you do have what it takes to be independent. He won't be able to help but feel attracted to you as a result.

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"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." (Eph 6:12, NLT)

Do you ever get that crazy feeling that your spouse is working against you? Conflict is a normal part of every marriage, but sometimes it can feel like all out war. Sometimes this can take the form of yelling, name calling, physical fighting, and worse things. Other times it can be much more subtle.

What if, for instance, you were reaching for a goal that is important to you. Lets be a bit more specific. Imagine a wife trying to teach her children not to throw fits in order to get their way. Imagine that she has just told a child that they couldn't have any candy, and of course the child goes into a tantrum. If the husband steps in and tries to appease the child by giving in, his wife will feel very slighted and disrespected. What if this scenario played itself out repeatedly, in different contexts? It would be very easy for the wife to feel as if her husband is her enemy.

Or imagine a husband who is going to school while also working in order to get a better job. Imagine if his wife frequently interrupts him while he is trying to do his homework. She constantly asks for help with the kids, or the house, or the laundry. Or maybe she just wants some of his attention and inadvertently makes him feel guilty for not spending more time with her. In this situation the husband would likely feel as if she is trying to keep him from getting his work done. He could become very bitter over this issue.

This type of situation can play itself out in thousands of other scenarios. Sometimes it can happen when both the husband and wife refuse to budge on a stance that they feel is important, and both take opposing views. Real bitterness and resentment can result if things are not dealt with. Most of the time, the offending party doesn't have any clue that they are doing it.

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The Real Enemy

You do have an enemy, and it isn't your spouse. You have an enemy that is incredibly cunning, intelligent and deceitful. He will stop at nothing to destroy you, your marriage, your spouse, and anything else in this world that reflects God's image.

Your enemy is Satan.

The next time he rears his ugly head in your marriage is the perfect time to take the offensive. Stand with your spouse, allied against his schemes. Remember that his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. He especially wants to destroy anything that is a reflection of God, including your marriage.

Your Defender

God is your Defender. Marriage is a direct reflection of His relationship with the Church. This can be seen throughout the Bible in the language used to describe God's love for us. We are called the Bride of Christ for a reason, and you can be sure that He will come through for us when we turn to Him.

And God is so much more powerful than your enemy. He is the Creator of all things and the Lord of Lords. Satan is powerless next to Him.

If you start to feel like your spouse is your enemy it is time to stop for a second. Take a deeper look and realize that it is Satan who is coming between the two of you, not your spouse. Turn to God and ask Him to strengthen your relationship with Him and your spouse. Submit to God's plan for your marriage and resist the Devil and he will flee.

Now Listen Carefully-

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