“Two True Stories - One of Love - One of Fear”

There was a man in his mid 40’s who had traveled the world, visiting just about every country on the earth. He was also an artist and did paintings and sculpture, and people loved his work. Yet in the background in his soul he was full of pain, suffering, anger, and sadness. For he had grown up in a household with a mother who was mentally ill. Yet his mother was never really diagnosed with mental illness, and his father just kind of put up with all the craziness around the house because of her illness. Thus his mother would lash out at her son, and make her little boy feel worthless, and not one single time did the little boy receive a hug from his mother. And when he was 18 out of the blue his mother kicked him out of the house, and told him he would never amount to anything.

Subsequently this young man became entangled in many toxic relationships and even married an alcoholic. And he too became an alcoholic in order to numb the pain and block out the memories of the past. Now he lives his life devoid of all feelings… because when we shut off one feeling, we shut off all our feelings.

He is angry about his mother, and his seething anger controls his life. Yet he knows that even with travel and glory as a big part of her life… he feels empty inside. He had the opportunity to go to retreat that would open him up and allow all that needs to be forgiven be healed… but he did not go. He wants to clear away the past, yet he is afraid, and so the cycle continues… another day without feelings. Hopefully it will happen in the future or in another life time.

There was a young man who was in seminary school, who is getting ready to be a priest. He's almost done with this studies, yet in the background there are echoes of the past that keep coming up over and over again. As a child his parents were extremely abusive physically and emotionally. His parents were full of hate, and his brother belonged to groups of people who hated everyone. So as a child and young adult this young man suffered all sorts of abusive behavior… especially from his brother.

He also suffers because he holds onto large amounts of anger and sadness. Yet a little voice inside said… “Everything will be okay if you hold on, and eventually forgive, forget, and move forward with life”. This seemed like an overwhelming task, but even thou there were times when he became extremely distraught and wanted to take his own life… he was not able to do so. And even though the negative voice within wanted to keep him trapped in fear, he said “NO”, and marched forward looking for someone to help him. And eventually he did find someone to help, someone who would listen and help him see the God within. And thus he is finding the courage to open up all the wounds from the past, heal them, and let them go.

And now this young man is on the path to healing. He is taking workshops, meditation retreats, doing daily meditation, doing prayer, changing his diet, and becoming a totally different person. He is finding out who he really is deep down inside, healing the past, learning to forgive, forget, and moving on with life… and most of all learning to love himself and God.

We all have that voice of love (God) deep down inside, and we all have that negative voice and fear that keeps us trapped in the ongoing cycle of anger and sadness. Yet some people turn to the light, and others perhaps not in this lifetime. But perhaps in another lifetime they will turn to the light and heal all the spiritual emotional challenges, from the karma of this lifetime, and the karma from many other lives in the past.

And so it is, that we always have a choice, but no mater what our choice the light of our soul will eventually return to God, the Universe, and the One and Only. It’s inevitable that the keeper of the light will gather around Him all the lightning bugs of his creation. And thus the Cosmos will be renewed… and love will prevail for all eternity. We learn as we go, as lightening bugs of the Creator.

Sending all of you great blessings!

May you find the courage to move towards the light.

Dr. Paul Haider