Dear Dr. Romance:
I am going crazy. I am attracted to a young man who is young enough to be my son, he is even a few years younger than my daughter. He has shown interest in me as well and I think this is absurd and yet I can't help the way I feel. He talks to me and shows an interest when I speak to him. Something men my age have never really done accept when they wanted to perhaps get a sexual favour. This is different he is genuine. I'm sure he's struggling with our age difference as well and of course his mates will really give him a go over if they haven't already. What should I do? Go with my feelings or ignore him and continue with my day as if there is no attractions between us. What a dilemma, I feel like a fool. Thanks for any advice.
Dear Reader:
I think you know what your choices are. If he's truly interested, there's nothing wrong with having a relationship, but you do have to accept what people, including your family and friends, will say. The big danger here is that your own feeling of shame may cause you to sabotage the relationship. I have seen many relationships succeed with this kind of older woman/younger man scenario. What counts is how well you two can form a partnership or team that works. Whether or not a relationship is healthy is not determined by age differences, but by the interaction between the partners. A ten-year difference is not too difficult to bridge, but differences of twenty years or more in age can lead to some difficulties as the partners get older. For example, the younger partner may mature and reconsider his or her choices, or an older partner may confront aging problems much sooner. "Age Differences in Dating" and "Relationships 101: Do Opposites Attract?" will help you figure out if you can be successful in this relationship. How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free, 4th Ed. contains information and exercises to teach you to work together to have the relationship you want.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.