So you guys broke up and you’re feeling unmoored like you lost your best friend. Every song reminds you of them, every place you go brings back memories of the last time you two were there together. There’s no escaping it: Break-ups are the WORST.
Keep in mind during this tough time, it doesn’t have to be forever. Studies show that about half of all couples that break up eventually get back together. Maybe they weren’t really sure about splitting or hold out hope the problems that caused the rift will work themselves out. Maybe everything that brought them together in the first place is stronger than the difficulties they were having. The fact is, getting back together is indeed possible and often leads to a long, lasting relationship.
But hold on a minute. Before you send that text or make that call asking to meet up, step away from your phone and computer. The best thing you can do right now gives both of you the time and space to process why this happened and if reuniting is really the best thing to do. And the way to achieve that? Is by instituting the No Contact Rule for a specific period of time and sticking to it.
No Really Means No
It’s really quite simple, at least in theory: the no contact rule means exactly that. Having ZERO contact with your ex during a specific period of time. At least a month is recommended, as it gives you ample breathing room to heal a bit and start to think clearly.
So does that mean no talking, but you can secretly stalk them on social media? Nope again. No really means no. You need to do the hard things, like blocking your ex on every social media channel. No checking up on their Snapchat, Facebook, or Instagram stories. No scrolling their LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tweets, or old MySpace page from junior high. No coincidentally driving down their street, hitting up their favorite bar, gym, restaurant or anywhere else you might be able to “accidentally” run into them.
This is a total, one hundred percent cleanse. During the first phase of breaking up, it often feels like the only way to feel better is to touch base with your ex. But in reality, that’s only going to make you feel worse. It’s like a drug. One hit will never be enough. The highs and the lows associated with reaching out, hearing or seeing your former person, and then not having them all over again? It’s a terrible habit that you just need to kick right now.
Yes, that includes not answering if they reach out to you first. Sorry. Technicality not accepted.
,h2>But WHY? It’s Too Hard
You know what’s even harder? The painful cycle of getting back together only to break up again. And that’s what happens when you stay in contact throughout your break up or end the No Contact period too early.
There are so many good reasons to stick with the No Contact Rule. First, it’s like a detox from your person. Most likely, you don’t need them the way you think. It’s time to figure out if they deserve to be in your life, and whether you want to make space for them there. You’ll learn how to be on your own again, and have a better perspective on what—if anything—your ex-brings into the relationship.
And while you’re waiting? You just might meet someone new who is a better fit. You never know. Most great things happen organically when you’re actively not on the hunt.
If not, the No Contact period still gives you both time to miss each other and appreciate the great qualities you both have. In today’s instant message, instant gratification culture, the act of missing someone is actually kind of sweet and old-fashioned. Try it, you might like it.
Still craving one-on-one time with your ex after you’ve put the pieces of your life back together during your cleanse? Have at it. But make sure to talk about the reasons why you broke up in the first place and how each of you is committed to changing the things that weren’t working before deciding to take the plunge and get back together. Be specific about what you will both do to make this time last forever.
Welcome to your happily ever after. (After the Non Contact period, that is.)
I am a journalist. I have written many articles on different topics. I am a writer in the day and reader in the night. When I am not writing then I Prefer to play football.