Dear Dr. Romance:
I have been dating this girl for 3 months now but we were talking and going on occasional dates for a good 5 months before we finally made it offical. Now that we are together things have changed. She ignores me when we are around friends and family. When I ask her if she wants to do something or just hang out she always finds an excuse and i end up finding out she went out with her friend at the last second. I finally tried talking to her about it and she said that she wasn't in the mood and every time I try to she just says the same thing. I really don't know what to I really do like her a lot, but I hate being treated like crap.
Dear Reader:
Apparently, she wasn't really ready to make it official. She's taking her distance from you. I recommend that you offer to go back to being just friends, and see what she says. You can't make her want to be nice to you, but you can let her go if she's not. Telling her you want to make it unofficial might be a wake-up call. If she's feeling pressured and overwhelmed, getting more space from you may be just what she needs to understand that you're important in her life. "Letting Go Takes Love" and "Getting to Yes" will help you understand how and why to back off. Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today will give you guidelines for establishing balance and mutuality in your relationship.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.