Masculinity: Does A Man Need To Heal His Father Wounds If He Is Out Of Touch With His Masculinity?

What a man may find, that’s if he was to take a step back and to reflect on his life, is that it is a challenge for him to assert himself. As a result of this, it can be normal for other people to walk over him.

It is then not that other people will physically walk over him; it is that they will walk all over his reality. Being treated in this way is likely to make it hard for him to feel good about himself.

A Follower

Going along what other people want and not standing his ground is going to mean that he is not a leader of his own life. The people around him are going to define what he does or doesn’t do.

Like a piece of paper on the ground on a windy day, he will be blown all over the place. Said another way, he is not going to be the centre of his own life.

Drifting Along

Experiencing life in this way is going to mean that he doesn’t have a strong sense of purpose - his purpose will be what other people want it to be. Living in this way will stop him from having to think about what he wants or how he wants his life to be, but it won’t be a very empowering way to live.

What a man like this may find is that he is used to feeling angry, frustrated, hopeless and powerless. Feeling down and even dressed is then going to be something that he will experience on a daily or weekly basis.

Going Along To Get Along

When it comes to the people in his life, these could be people who are happy to tell him what to do and how he should lead his life. Yet, even if this doesn’t take place, he could just go along with what these people are doing.

He is going to be more like an extension of others as opposed to a separate human being. Doing what these people want is typically going to be his priority, causing him to neglect his own needs.

Another Area

If he is in a relationship, this could be yet another area of his life when he doesn’t show up. The person he is with could be more like his mother than his equal, making all the decisions for him.

And while his partner may enjoy being in charge, another part of them may resent the fact that he doesn’t stand up for himself. They might not have much respect for him and they might not really be attracted to him, either.

Out of Balance

But, although he will find it hard to act like an individual, it doesn’t mean that there won’t be part of his personality that other people won’t admire. For example, he may find it relatively easy to empathise with others and to be compassionate.

There can then be people in his life who appreciate this part of him and these people may open up to him whenever they have problems. Being there for others in this way will also allow him to fulfil his need for approval.

Time For A change

If the man was to think about how long he has been this way for, he may find that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. Thanks to this, it could be a hard for him to imagine that his life could be any different.

Nonetheless, regardless of how long his life has been this way for, it doesn’t mean that it has to stay like this forever. There is a reason why he is out of touch with his masculine power; it is unlikely that he was simply born this way.

A Closer Look

What is likely to have played a big part in the relationship that he has with his own masculinity is the relationship that he had with his father during his early years. Additionally, how his father was treated by his mother would have also played a part.

For example, this may have been a time when his father was physically abusive, which would have caused him to develop an unhealthy relationship with this part of his being. His masculinity would have been seen as dangerous and therefore, something that needed to be hidden at all costs.

Two Sides

As his father was out of control, his mother may have spent a lot time telling him how bad his father was. Indentifying with this mother (the feminine) and rejecting his father (the masculine) may have been something that just happened, or he may have rejected both elements, becoming a nonentity in the process.

Either way, due to the fact that his father wasn’t a good role model, the last thing he would have wanted to do was to identify with him. This would have left him in no man’s land – unable to operate as a whole human being.

Slightly Different

Conversely, he may have grown up without a father and this would have deprived him of a male figure to identify with. His mother may have had the tendency to speak badly of his father and men in general, setting him up to feel ashamed of who he was.

Not having a male figure around would have stopped him from being able to emotionally separate from his mother, too. His father would have been the one who pulled him away from his mother and prepared him for the world.

Emotionally Stunted

The former can be seen as a world of unconditional love, while the latter can be seen as a world of conditional love. His need to please women as an adult is then a sign that he is still emotionally enmeshed to his mother, and this stops him from being unable to see women as just people.

For him to be able to listen to his true-self and for this part of him to define his life, he will need to embrace his whole being. To do this, it will be essential for him to make peace with the father that lives within him.

Awareness

Rejecting this part of himself is preventing him from being able to embrace his true power. Part of this work will also involve resolving the wounds that he has in relation to his mother.
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If a man can relate this, and he longer wants to deny this part of himself, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.