When we feel weak, the world around us seems hostile. Everything is bad outside, because everything is bad inside. It is not easy to realize this, because we often perceive our aggressiveness as a manifestation of strength. But aggression is a transformed fear. How to overcome latent fear and regain faith in yourself? There is one recipe, simple and effective.
SIN OF SELF-BLAME
There are people who love to blame themselves. And there are psychologists who like to stir up someone else's dirty laundry. When they find each other, a long-term union is formed. Because self-blame is not a solution to a problem, but an illusion of a solution.
Example. A person thinks that he is a slob and he needs to learn to be more accurate. He worries that he is creating chaos all the time, and others often make comments to him about this. He tries to understand himself and find a reason: why is he sloppier than others? At the same time, he sincerely believes that if he finds the answer to his question, he will understand how to become more accurate.
And a long and painful period of studying oneself begins, which is wandering through a dark forest. This is akin to masochism, akin to when a person begins to enjoy the memories (or the creation of false memories), which allegedly caused his current carelessness. This is the creation of a story of their humiliation and another opportunity to feel self-pity by getting under the covers.
But self-exposure is psychological homeopathy. This is not a solution to a problem, but the appearance of a solution.
WHO ARE YOU?
Self-esteem starts with self-awareness. The past plays no role, because the past cannot be influenced. The future plays no role, because it is not available to us. All we have is the moment of the present. To realize it is to realize yourself.
You are not what others think of you. You are not what you think of yourself. You are your will, manifested here and now. No feeling, no thought, no desire, no emotion, but will. Self-awareness is a will that is aware of itself.
Unfortunately, most often a person understands this, being on the verge of death. Then he is able to step over all the throwing of his own body, through his pain, desire to live, some feelings and sensations. The will is able in an instant to push all this aside and act coldly, prudently and calmly, saving a stupid body with its complaints and whining. Why is the will so often dormant in everyday life, leaving a person to be torn apart by unreasonable doubts and fears?
DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF
When a person is engaged in self-examination, he does not need will. Will is needed when the time comes to act. Every day we can perform small feats of will, strengthening the victor in ourselves and weakening the sacrifice that squeaks within us.
We cannot feel sorry for ourselves and respect ourselves at the same time. There is nothing to be respected for those whom you feel sorry for. To stop feeling sorry for yourself, you need to stop self-blame and look back in time. You need to stop looking back at the squeaking environment trying to manipulate you by trying to form an idea of who you are. Now you know who you are. You are the will. And will is the king, to whom feelings, desires, thoughts, and actions bow down.
There is one simple, but effective way to regain self-esteem, along with this and faith in yourself. This way is action.
Take action. Set a small problem and solve it by taking a small step. You will budge and make sure that your will is an instrument of influence. Set another task and take one more step. With each new step, you will make sure that you are able to carry out your plans, and your will will grow stronger with each successive victory.
Create a ritual and repeat it every day. Training, hardening, keeping a diary is not important. Just create your own ritual and be the guarantor of its execution. You will see that in spite of all the chaotic nature of the external world, in spite of all its tricks, you are able to perform this ritual every day, subordinating being to the power of your consciousness.
So, step by step, day after day, the space of your will will expand and grow, and one day you will notice that you have stopped looking back. For looking ahead is much more interesting: there is an exciting future that you undoubtedly deserve.
My name is Rudiyr. I was born and live in Russia. I am engaged in giving advice to people on mental health, self-improvement and harmonious development. I am also the author of the course "Philosophy of Practical Natural Science". In it, I consider issues of health, positive energy balance of a person, energy sources for a person (sleep, nutrition, physical activity, creativity) and other aspects that allow a person to live happily.