I am a mother of two wonderful young adults, my natural born son and my daughter, who was adopted fifteen years ago from Kien Giang province in Vietnam. I write as a mother in search of information and connections specifically to families with children from Kien Giang, and as a professional sharing amazing stories about the power of thought, intention, and intuition, because I have another remarkable tale to tell.
Adoptive parents know there will be identity issues that differ from a biologically born child, but for those who are international adoptive parents and have children that come from third world countries, the challenges are more tenuous.
In the adoption process we were told records including medical and social histories about our daughter, would be very limited, and the odds of finding her birth parents and other family members in the future, would be a daunting task. I often wonder how other adopting parents in similar situations react to receiving this kind of information. I know it is part of the givens in any adoption, but I still am curious about how one comes to terms with these loose ends. I knew there would come a day when my daughter and I would cross many rickety bridges together. And on July 7, 1995 the first day I held her, I pledged I would do everything in my power to help her reconcile the conflicts of being orphaned and adopted, and being a child of two worlds, cultures, and families. When she was ready and the time was right, I promised we would return to Vietnam with hope and a will to persevere, on a mission with prayers for a miracle.
This summer in the aftermath of a huge emotional eruption, many wounded feelings finally plunged to the surface. My daughter’s need for closure blared loudly.
…The question of the influence of nature versus nurture may become very real to the adopted adolescent, who is trying to determine the impact of all of these influences on his or her own identity. This stage of development includes questions about the biological family, why they were placed for adoption, whether the adolescent resembles the birth parents in looks or in other characteristics. Accompanying these issues of identity are issues of self-esteem. At this age, the teen understands the concept of relinquishment, and may feel rejected or view themselves as damaged goods, even though they cognitively know how a girl gets pregnant, and can understand why someone might not be able to care for a baby after it is born. Although they are older, adopted teens still may not have worked through all their feelings about their adoption. Adolescents often express their reactions to loss by rebelling against parental standards. Knowing that they have a different biological origin may contribute to their need to define themselves as individuals… http://international.adoption.com/foreign/adoption-issues-faced-by-teens...
Much to my daughter’s embarrassment I frequently take the liberty of politely asking people who look like they are from South East Asia, what their country of origin is. Always in my mind is a desire to connect and bring my daughter closer to her cultural roots, and the deepest desire to actually find people from Kien Giang province. In all the years and all the people we have met at cultural events, grocery stores, hair salons, restaurants, and dance venues, we have NEVER met anyone from this area located in the Mekong Delta region of southern Vietnam, until this past weekend!
Some will say it is by sheer coincidence that the following event occurred. Experience after experience leads me to believe differently. My daughter set her intention clearly and the unconscious processes are now in motion towards manifesting what she wants.
We went to the supermarket a few blocks from our home to pick up some staples. After shopping I decided to go into a salon a few storefronts away to have my eyebrows waxed. Close and conveniently located as this beauty parlor is, we’ve never gone there before. The woman who assisted me began speaking to me about my daughter and within minutes our conversation shifted to Vietnam. All the stylists in the shop are Vietnamese, and all took great interest in learning that I had adopted my daughter from their country. As I was getting ready to pay one of the women approached my daughter and asked what part of Vietnam she was from. She answered Kien Giang. The woman paused and said, “That’s my village! It’s not very big, you know, and maybe when I go back, you can come with me.” My daughter looked at her and then lowered her head. The woman walked over and hugging her said,” I would want to find my parents too.”…
Irish Blessing for Challenges and Adversity
When the wind is howlin' in everyone's ears,
May you hear a soft, lilting breeze.
And if the rain is crashin' down,
May it only be dew at your knees.
If the ground 'neath your feet should quiver and shake,
I hope you'll be standin' with ease.
And never go hungry or wantin' for much;
May God grant you all that you need!
I welcome your comments and questions. Feel free email me at Stephanie@of2minds.com If you would like to learn more about me and the services I offer as a Personal Life Coach visit my blog: http://www.stephaniealt.com/ or my website: http://www.of2minds.com/
Stephanie Rachel Alt, holds a Masters degree in Counseling/Human Development from Bank Street College of Education, New York, NY. She is also Master Certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (N.L.P.) and hypnosis. Stephanie teaches her clients to use “intuitive intelligence”, logic and reason, in daily life and decision making. She created “Of 2 Minds” Coaching and Consulting services, to offer these services; intuitive readings, intuitive coaching, conscious communication, hypnosis and NLP techniques. She also works with dream messages and dream symbolism.
Stephanie’s work experience includes leading NLP training seminars, for NLP Co-founders, John Grinder, and Judith Delozier. She is a contributing author in an NLP casebook; Leaves Before The Wind. Stephanie currently resides on the Central Coast, in California, where she maintains an office. Working with individuals, couples, families, and groups you can consult with Stephanie in person or conveniently by phone and online.