“You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.” Richard Bach
Finding my daughter’s birth family is by far the most touching and life altering story I have yet to relay. It is nothing short of a miracle and testimony to the belief that anything is possible. The power of thought does indeed have infinite potential; however it is up to us to mine this limitless resource and shape it into dreams come true.
In the last two years I have focused much of my professional efforts as a therapist and Life Coach, writing about intuitive ability. I have also had the pleasure of leading inspirational lectures on extrasensory perception. Sharing personal stories is in itself a self growth and self help tool. How best do we learn but by example? And drawing relevance from other people’s experiences gives one tangible models to relate to.
My daughter enthusiastically agreed to let me write and publish this extraordinary event in our lives. We hope it will inspire and support all who are adopted and their dual families. And to those children born abroad, in remote parts of the world where poverty is prevalent, where parents find themselves in desperate straits, we hope this story fosters compassion and brings more understanding.
For adoptees the inner drive to find answers and of course the hope of filling huge emotional gaps with something concrete, becomes a personal quest. Delving back in time takes great courage and fortitude, especially when you are a minor like my daughter, who was nearing sixteen when we began. It also takes a willingness to accept whatever happens for better or worse. I don’t know how one truly prepares for any of this. Speaking as an adoptive parent I know it requires being fully present to field your child’s mixed emotions while processing and keeping in check, your own. We drew strength from both states of mind; conscious and unconscious, and gave it our all. For those who have strong faith this was a time we put forth honest and pure intention in our prayers, and relinquished the rest to the higher powers that be. My daughter said, “Mom if God means for me to find my birth family, I will”…
“Alice laughed. There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.” “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Lewis Carroll
Trusting my feelings every step of the way I entered the void. To begin I needed to find the right people to work with, the earth angels. My daughter’s clear desire to search for her birth family crystallized last summer at which point I begin to sort through our files reviewing the very limited adoption papers we were given. Trying to pick up the loose ends and find leads I emailed the adoption agency we used in the States and the Director from International Mission of Hope who worked with the orphanages in Vietnam. But nearly sixteen years had passed and much to my alarm every viable lead dead ended. The adoption agency was no longer in operation, and neither was International Mission of Hope. My heart sank. “Now where do I go”? I asked myself.
I found a site which I bookmarked years ago called Families with Children Adopted from Vietnam, and scrolled through a hundred or more names of alumni families, looking for those who had adopted babies from Kien Giang Province. I found about a dozen listed and only a few families who had adopted in or around 1995. I emailed them all and received one response from a woman who referred me to Caroline and Catalyst Foundation, whom I connected with a few months later, and who became our guiding light. It is interesting to note that when I initially emailed Caroline in the summer (2010) she didn’t respond, and after trying several more times, I set the search process aside, drifting to the shore rather than paddling against the current.
Then in November for the first time in more than fifteen years, we met a woman working in a beauty shop just a few blocks from our home, who comes from the same province in Vietnam as my daughter. You can read this story, Search for a Birth Family in Vietnam Begins with an Amazing Story, in the archives of my blog http:www.stephaniealt.com/ (Category; Power of Mind) Odd as it may sound it seemed like a good omen and spiritual sign to venture forth again.
On November 30th I emailed Caroline. The following day she answered! And thereafter began one incredible journey. The amazing turn of events could and would not have happened without the impeccable research and follow up of Miss Quynh Vu and her co-workers from Eurekaz Services, based in Ho Chi Minh City, working in collaboration with Mrs. Caroline Nguyen Ticarro-Parker, Founder and Director of Catalyst Foundation, which focuses tireless and courageous efforts to improve the lives of orphaned, abandoned, and homeless children in Vietnam. Catalyst Foundation now has a school and is raising funds for a Community Center located in Kien Giang, the area of Vietnam where my daughter was born.
In early December my daughter and I scanned and forwarded the little documentation we had; eight papers which include a hand written substitute birth certificate, and an uninformative medical report, child study and history. We also sent a handful of images from the orphanage taken during her three month stay. And then we waited what seemed like an eternity for word back.
On February 13th I spoke with one of my oldest friends who inquired about the status of the birth parent search. “We are still waiting, but for some reason I just know we are going to find Nia’s birth family” I said. The following morning, on Valentine’s Day, an email arrived with astonishing news! Our search team located and spoke with the woman responsible for processing all the dossiers from the Kien Giang Province and remembered my daughter’s case! She also remembered the family’s individual case worker and agreed to lead our search team to what she believed was the home of my daughter’s birth mother. ….
How remarkable is this discovery which unraveled in less than three months?! And there is more. The name on Nia’s substitute birth certificate is not the name she was given at birth… Her real first name is Mong Thy (pronounced Tee-h) Seven months into our adoption proceedings I had an intuitive thought in regards to naming our new baby girl. I heard, “Nia, (pronounced Nee-a) her name needs to be short and sweet”.
Nia is named after my mother who died when I was very young. My mother’s birthday was March 7th. As the real details about placing my daughter up for adoption were revealed we learned that she was born at home, not in a clinic, not abandoned, and not born on March 29th. She was given to a social worker the family knew when she was twenty days old. With time changes, Vietnam being one day ahead of the United States, it is very possible Nia was born on or around March 7th…
Mrs. Xe (Seh) worked with this social worker to help receive military pension for her husband. Sadly Nia’s birth father died when Mrs. Xe was pregnant with her. A few years later she remarried and had another daughter. Unbeknown to Mrs. Xe, because she never heard what happened to Thy, (Nia) after she relinquished her, she gave her last child the same middle name as Nia’s fabricated name, which was given to her by the adoption/officials and written on the substitute birth certificate. This name was Ngoc Bich (Pronounced, Bit) and her half sister’s name is Bich Tuyen…
And the last and most exciting synchronicity is that on Valentine’s Day after receiving word that the birth search was successful, I said to Nia, “Wouldn’t it be great if Catalyst Foundation had cultural tours so we could see your beautiful country of origin and go with Caroline or Quynh to meet your birth family on the same trip”? A few days later I received notice from Catalyst Foundation; http://www.catalystfoundationorg/ announcing new Cultural Tours of Vietnam starting this summer! … Our family plans to join this tour next summer, 2012 and combine it with a visit to Mrs. Xe, the woman who gave life to our glorious daughter. Happy Mother’s Day!
I welcome your comments and stories you’d like to share. You may also email me at; Stephanie@of2minds.com/ to inquire about the services I offer as a therapist and Intuitive & NLP Coach, or visit my website;http://www.of2minds.com/
“Fine-tuning your intuition safeguards your future and opens doors to the extraordinary”.
Stephanie Rachel Alt, MS
Stephanie Rachel Alt, holds a Masters degree in Counseling/Human Development from Bank Street College of Education, New York, NY. She is also Master Certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (N.L.P.) and hypnosis. Stephanie teaches her clients to use “intuitive intelligence”, logic and reason, in daily life and decision making. She created “Of 2 Minds” Coaching and Consulting services, to offer these services; intuitive readings, intuitive coaching, conscious communication, hypnosis and NLP techniques. She also works with dream messages and dream symbolism.
Stephanie’s work experience includes leading NLP training seminars, for NLP Co-founders, John Grinder, and Judith Delozier. She is a contributing author in an NLP casebook; Leaves Before The Wind. Stephanie currently resides on the Central Coast, in California, where she maintains an office. Working with individuals, couples, families, and groups you can consult with Stephanie in person or conveniently by phone and online. Email: stephanie@of2minds.com/