One of my best male friends was looking for me on IM feeling totally desperate because his wife was seriously talking about divorce now. They have been on that route before but this time she was totally serious. They have been having a rocky marriage as long as I can remember.
So I went straight to the root of the problem: she doesn't feel cherished and he doesn't feel respected, and there is no more connection there. He nodded saying "how can I cherish a woman who doesn't respect me? She talks to me like talking to a coolie."
I said I totally I understood but one person had to change and be consistent at that. It takes patience.
He didn't think he often resorted to anger. "I know," I said, "but I bet you act distant toward her."
I asked, "Do you touch her? When was the last time you touched her in a loving way when you weren't having sex?"
"I can't remember. And we have sex perhaps once every 3 months."
"Exactly. Any wonder why she wants a divorce? So touch her. Hug her, tell her how beautiful she is, how much you miss her. Just that, no discussion about your relationship. Do it for a week, consistently. Hug her a few times a day for at least 30 secs, that's when oxytocin starts to release. If she wants to talk, tell her to be quiet, you just want to hug her because at this point talking won't help, it only makes both of you defensive. I know it will feel like you're losing your dignity."
"I have suppressed my dignity long ago. Okay I will try even if it won't change a thing."
"It will if you put aside your anger and ego. It just takes a week. No discussion the whole week, just touching, as much as you can muster. Women just want to feel cherished and if we do we will give you the world."
"I'm rarely home and besides how can I hug her if I feel turned off most of the time?"
"It doesn't work that way. It's the last resort now. One of you has to put aside their ego. The alternative is divorce and disruption of your children's lives. Make it a habit to touch her every day, a few times a day. Cuddle her in bed."
"Where did you get this thing?"
"Just instinct. It's spontaneous advice 'cause I know why she's mad. She doesn't feel adored anymore. We need that. When a woman feels adored you have a huge credit with her. Now your balance in her emotional bank account is in deficit. Fill that up first. Fill that for the whole week, the rest will take care of itself."
"Let's hope it works."
You might ask what my advice would be if my girlfriend had come to me with the same problem? Actually a client of mine has the same problem; her husband has filed for divorce already. I coached her on how to stay in her feminine energy: be happy, soft, grateful, relaxed, smiling, showing grace, love and compassion. Patience and consistency is paramount. And let go of him. She has reported amazing results in that he's been noticing her change and is showing her more interest. He comes home more often (they still live in the same house) and only a few nights ago they had dinner together for the first time since they were separated nine months ago.
And two other clients of mine got their exes back and NOT ONLY THAT their men move the relationships to the next level of commitment as well! One of them is engaged to be married, while the other is now officially a girlfriend to a guy who wouldn't label the relationship after almost 2 years!
This is in virtue of shifting your energy.
This Knowledge About Men Will Shift Your Energy Instantly and He Will Start Chasing You Again
Bottom line is rebuilding your relationship -and love life- is about shifting your energy: from lack and desperation to excitement about possibilities and the faith in abundance of life; from chaos to order and peace; from anger and resentment to love, gratitude and compassion; from fear to hope and self-confidence; from misery to joyfulness; and last but not least: from the need to control and hold on to things/ideas/person so tightly to letting go.
Without the shift any change will only be temporary. Any change in the outside won't last without the fundamental change in the inside. So my coaching focus is always on shifting the energy first and undoing the old programming that doesn't serve my clients.
And the result has been pretty incredible. To learn more about my highly affordable coaching packages and how they can jumpstart your love life for the better however dire your situation might be at the moment, click here.
Now, I know how you feel about your situation. You are desperate about your marriage or love life, you want to work on your relationship, get together with you ex and start all over but you just don't know how. Don't throw in the towel yet, watch the video in the article below:
Seven Traits Of A High Value Woman
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.