3 tips for convincing your non willing partner to seek Couples Counselling

Couples counselling can be an eye opening experience for both parties involved. Rather than the usual finger pointing that goes on during fights at home or in the car, sitting down with a therapist helps you gain the insight of your spouse or significant other. Once you’ve seen yourself through the eyes of your loved one (and vice versa) you’ll both be on a path to better understanding each other and therefore, working through the problems that plague your marriage. However, what happens when you can’t convince your partner to attend therapy with you? Obviously, couples counselling will not work if only one of you attends each session.

Here are three tips to helping convince your loved one to join you in couples counselling:

1) Have your spouse or significant other help you choose which therapist to go to. This is especially helpful if he or she is afraid that the therapist that you’ve chosen on your own is already biased and working in your favor. Choosing a therapist together will reinforce the idea that the counselor is a neutral, non-biased observer who only wants to help you both out.

2) Offer up a compromise. A non-monetary, non-sex related compromise may be just the thing that your significant other needs to be convinced to attend a counselling session. Something as simple as, “I’ll help you clean the garage/basement if you’ll go with me,” should be enough, especially if this is an issue that you’ve been fighting over.

3) Wait until the time is right to bring up the subject. Wait until you’re both calm and levelheaded. Don’t approach the subject of couples counselling during or immediately after a fight. Doing so makes it seem like you want to go to a therapist just out of spite. If the right time never seems to come up, write a letter to your loved one and leave it out on the table so that it’s the first thing that he or she sees in the morning. In it, state calmly and without placing blame the reasons why you want to go counselling.

Couples counselling can heal old (and new) wounds and repair a tattered marriage. Choosing an experienced therapist, like one of the many at Insight Psychological, can be the difference between a bitter divorce or growing happily old together.

If your partner ultimately does not come in, therapy can still work for the “couple”. In this case it is called individual for couple therapy and usually will help the person attending counseling become stronger and more able to "hold onto themselves" within the relationship for the relationship. In many cases this is known as Differentiation. By becoming stronger, it helps one navigate the situation and relationship issues in a more skilled and balanced way ultimately shifting the relationship dynamics.

Remember: It only takes one person to ultimately shift or change a system... But only if the one is strong enough to do so.