***CHOICES IN ANGER: Emotions, Mind and Spirit, Part 5

Changing patterns of behavior

The Latin roots of 'resentment,' re and sentire, mean 'to feel again' -- to feel over and over again the pain caused by the wrong that was done.   Letting go of that resentment is a lot of the 'personal work' done in forgiving, and is often what takes so long
(Andrew Knock)

Once we establish individual and group behaviors, they tend to persist. Blaming others and venting anger on them provides some relief from carrying around buckets full of hurts and angers. Not knowing any alternatives, this often feels like a successful way of handling frustrations.

Changing such patterns can be very difficult. First, we have to begin to feel there might be something wrong in the way we are handling our negative feelings. We might be confronted with pictures of “others” who are as human as we are. We might be inspired by healing responses of people who have been hurt in conflicts but did not respond with anger.

We might begin to see contradictions in the messages our leaders are putting out. The glaring self-interests of Bush and his supporters in promoting wars may come to roost in our awareness when we begin to pay the human and monetary costs of war, or when the media (if they are not censored) bring us information or images that sway us towards healing. Seeing our own soldiers wounded and dying, or seeing enemy civilian casualties of our attacks might just bring us to seek more healing approaches to problems.

We tend to think of healing as something one person does to another, but the most important healling is self-healing. This is as true on a group and national basis as it is with our individual selves.

Few people are asking, when we consider terrorist activities and other violence in the world, "What have we done that has contributed to or provoked the violence?" When we start to look in these directions, we find many things we can do to promote healing. Western arrogance in assuming that we have the best way of life, and Western promotion of ways of life that run contrary to traditional values in other cultures can be highly provocative to people who are not eager to give up their own values. While capitalism has improved material quality of life for those at the top of the social order, it has destroyed family ties and created a culture of competition and self-interest that easily degenerates to destructive selfishness and greed. America's growing poverty levels - witnesssed by increasing numbers who find themselves unable to afford health care or even a home - are not good advertisements for our way of life. America's exploitation of material and human resources in other countries is increasingly perceived as a red flag in front of a bull. Fighting off the vengeful terrorists and adopting defensive lifestyeles may prove less effective and more costly in terms of diminished quality of life in the long run than dealing with some of the underlying problems that generate terrorism.

Bioenergy and spiritual responses anger
Some bioenergy practitioners recommend putting up a mirrored energy shield around ourselves, so that any angers directed at us will bounce right back to their source. While this may protect us from angers, it will also perpetuate the anger at the very least, and may spread it around to others who were not the original sources of anger.

My personal practice is to have a strong bioenergy shield that is coated with loving pink healing energies. The shield neutralizes any negativity directed at me.

Others have suggested inviting your guardian angels to coat the shield with healing light; praying for the light of Christ or God to surround you (Allah, Buddha, saints, or other protectors and guides may – literally – suit you better); or creating a slippery shield that directs any negativity deep into the earth, where Gaia can neutralize it. The latter was favored by a gardener in one of my workshops, who pointed out that the earth is a wonderful composter, and can transform all negativity to positive, nurturing energies.

Bioenergies “charge up” and strengthen physical realities. They are necessary for life and contribute to health and illness. We usually think of positive energies as building and creating and negative energies as destroying. While this can be the case, in a conflict situation we see that negative energies often add to the “charge,” make the sparks fly, and fan the flames. If we enter into a conflict with those who are spoiling for a fight, our energies will fuel their energies. If we can detach ourselves from angry responses, we will not fuel the fires. If we can bring ourselves to send loving, healing energies, we may be able to neutralize the negative energies.

Experiential exercise: Conjugations
How we say things to each other can soothe or provoke. It can be fun and helpful to practice “conjugating” various statements, in order to sensitize ourselves to the “how” of our communications.

Here are several examples:

I’m a teeny bit overweight.
You’re a bit chubby.
He’s a fat slob.

I tend to say what I have to say very directly.
You’re rather blunt at times.
She’s a sarcastic ass.

I can be distracted sometimes when I’m driving.
You’re a bit careless changing lanes.
He’s a frustrated LeMans racing driver.

I’m upset.
You’re angry.
She’s a flaming fury.

I slipped up.
You made a mistake.
He screwed up

Such exercises are not just for humorous entertainment. They can help us to choose the most healing approaches when we’re expressing angry thoughts and feelings, cutting others the slack that we allow for ourselves.

Neutralizing fears and anger
Carrying resentments is poisonous in many ways. When we have a potful of anger that is just waiting to spill, we often feel “prickly” to others. We are resentful, edgy, touchy, suspicious that others are going to hurt us, paranoid that we will be misunderstood, carry a frown or worse on our face, speak with an edgy or annoyed voice, and are likely to say and do things – minor and major – that we might later regret. Other around us will quickly sense they are dealing with a porcupine or a skunk. If their buckets aren’t full, and they’re not spoiling for a ruckus, they may steer clear of us till we calm down. If they’re ready to dump some of their anger garbage they’ve stuffed away, they may use us as convenient sparring partners, as beating posts, or may provoke us to the point that we explode – expressing their angers for them while they don’t have to take the consequences.

This works through subtle energies and intuition as well as on psychological and social levels. When we put out negative vibrations, negativity that is floating around is attracted to us. If we’re seeking opportunities to discharge negativity, we will telepathically attract and be attracted to others who are seeking the same. Energetic like is attracted to like.

Politicians take advantage of our tendencies to blame others. Politicians offer us convenient targets for our angers. By painting the “others” as despicable villains, deserving of punishment or death, they invite us to pour out our buckets of wrath. (This serves their interests well, crating a pool of soldiers who will sacrifice themselves for the politicians’ gains.)

While we all feel better with this catharsis, we are still left with the real sources of our angers – the buried hurts we carry in our buckets – untouched. It is like throwing burning coals at an enemy from a fire in our home, giving us a sense that we have made good use of these embers of our misfortunes… but not dealing in any basic way with the flames that go on smoldering in our home.

I have been exploring and practicing the use of love, acceptance, healing and forgiveness to neutralize negativity for several years, both for myself and with clients. I have yet to find a negativity that cannot be softened or eliminated using these positive energies that are born in a place of love. I am therefore certain that love is stronger than any negativity, so this works for me and for my clients.

If neutralizing approaches were taught to children in school, then people wouldn’t grow up holding as many hurts in their buckets. There would be much more energy available for positive projects, for healing others, for building sweeetening spirals - of loving acts for others that beget caring acts in return, that stimulate kindness in return.

Not only would this be helpful to them personally, it would reduce the collective angers that are manipulated by politicians to make war.

In summary
The bottom line is:

No one can make you angry

Anger is one of many choices you can elect in response to a life challenge.

Healing our international conflicts should begin at home.

If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.
--Chinese Proverb

References
Blumenfeld, Laura. Revenge: A Story of Hope, New York: Simon & Schuster 2002

Kauffman, Stuart, At Home in the Universe: The Search for Laws of Self-Organization and Complexity, Oxford University Press 1996.

Young, Brigham http://website.lineone.net/~andrewhdknock/ImagesWords.htm