Do You Have Ghosts in Your Money House?

Tension in relationship is nothing new. Tension or conflict over money is not new either. Many, if not most adults avoid “money” conversations. Just like other key issues (sex, religion and child rearing) that seem so sensitive, deep and inexpressible, lack of money communication acts like a tourniquet to the life’s blood of relationship.

Of course money is inanimate, yet it is energy. This energy is animated by thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. Mostly it is animated by thoughts, beliefs and attitudes from the past. In ghostly fashion these thoughts inhabit our lives, relationships and out-comes. No where is this more obvious than in our intimate relationships.

Think of money like electricity. It can light and warm a home, and at the same time if your home is not wired properly, it can burn it down. Or if you don’t understand electricity properly, you can shock your self by putting your finger in the socket instead of the plug. Mostly, folks go around shocking themselves with these money ghosts, occasionally burning the house down. No one likes being shocked, yet time and again the process is repeated—hoping for light and warmth.

Studies over the last 20 years have consistently shown financial stress as the top cause of relationship failure. And while there are many other factors that contribute to a break-up, these ancillary factors seemed to be survivable when ability to discuss and manage money is present. Why would that be?

To begin with, money represents freedom. Used wisely, this energy brings you a host of choices that one would not have otherwise. It brings the ability to seek help, expertise for the very problems that are stressing a relationship. In tougher economic times, the divorce rate climbs. Why? Whatever stress is already present is exacerbated by lack of financial resources. Getting married, starting a business, having a baby, children going to college, going back to school, you name it—it all involves changes in money—changes in energy and how you are currently working with the energy.

I have a toolbox of sorts that I give my clients. We use these tools to determine the money terrain of the “map of reality” folks carry around in their heads. What is the “map of reality”? Well, it is every thought, attitude, belief you have—and believe it to be true.
Here is one for you: “You have to work hard for the money”. How about, “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”; or “money doesn’t grow on trees.” There is a whole list of these thoughts, or money tapes running in our heads. Yes, your head, my head, everyone’s head— default programming running all of the time.

It isn’t so much that the tape is bad, it is that we don’t stop to ask the most important question: “Is the tape TRUE”?

I have seen plenty of folks who do not work hard for the money. So have you. I have seen plenty of poor people move beyond poverty, and while I have never seen a money tree, I have seen folks use the energy of money wisely so that their ATM card is always bearing fruit.

Why don’t we question these old money tapes? Where do these tapes come from? And most importantly—what do you need to know to expunge the ones not working for you?

I'll cover the answers to this in future articles.