Making Your Relationship Work in an Ailing Economy)

Let’s face it, monetary matters play an influential role in our romantic relationships, whether you find yourself married or in another serious relationship. While love is priceless, the role finances play in our relationships is a fundamental of our cultural-specific and universal beliefs and values. Some of these roles include but are not limited to wedding expenses, rent or montage, utility bills, car loans, and the list goes on.

Yet despite the important part money plays in our relationships, it still remains a ridiculous reason for a couple to split. Unfortunately this phenomenon takes place too often. It is not unusual to hear about a couple putting off marriage because they presently cannot afford a wedding, or God forbid a home. While our cultural beliefs and values are important, you must be sure that you are not sliding down the slippery slope of putting a price tag on your relationship. Think about it this way: What would you think of a parent who terminated her relationship with her child because of financial difficulty? (This is not an attack on parents who give their children up for adoption.)

So if you and the love of your life have been experiencing financial difficulties, it only makes sense to separate your financial woes from your relationship. Can this be done? The answer is yes. As a matter of fact, being able to make and sustain such a separation will go a long way in helping you both overcome your financial woes. Why? Simply put, because you will not be fighting and pushing each others’ anger buttons. Not being angry will afford each partner the clarity and ability to utilize the full potential of your thinking faculties towards resolving your financial issues.

So what does a couple willing to preserve their relationship do to separate their financial woes from their relationship?

Spend more time together doing free or less expensive activities.

 Cook more meals together and eat at home, instead of eating out.
 Can’t afford to see that play? Or movie? Go for a walk in the park together, or visit the zoo or a museum.
 Cable company hiking fees? A perfect opportunity to turn off the TV and spend a quiet evening with each other in the living room. You can also play some games together.

You get the picture? The key for creating such a successful separation of finance and romance is for each partner to be willing to make personal sacrifices, and as much as possible to make such sacrifices together. People are always surprised at how much being caught up in expensive activities keeps them emotionally disconnected from their spouse, better half, or partner.

As it goes in life, there is a difference between knowing what to do and knowing how. If you find yourself struggling to change your behaviors for the better, seeking the services of a professional in the field of mental health should be considered a wise investment.

Ugochukwu Uche MS, LPC