Psychoanalytic Marriage Counseling

Psychoanalytic theory, invented by Sigmund Freud and later expanded upon by Jung, Erikson, and others, places a heavy emphasis on the workings of the unconscious mind. Unhealthy individuals are not aware of their own unconscious processes, and as a result may suffer from irrational pleasure-seeking or guilt. Successful psychoanalytic marriage counseling involves bringing an understanding of the unconscious mind and its defense mechanisms into the conscious minds of both spouses, resulting in two healthy individuals who are able to fully understand the choices that they have in their relationship. The spouses learn how not to be ruled by unconscious processes that are not understood.

Sigmund Freud’s belief was that human beings possess minds that are divided into two parts: an unconscious and a conscious. The conscious is, by definition, what we are aware of on a day-to-day basis, and is only a small portion of the total mind. The unconscious is much larger than the conscious, and in fact most of one’s psychological processes take place in the unconscious. Since the unconscious cannot be directly accessed, its contents must be understood and inferred by the marriage counseling process.

Freud also divided the human mind into three parts which he termed the id, the ego, and the superego. The id is all that one is born with and it seeks to avoid pain and to gain pleasure. It is ruled by the libido, or sex drive, and also by aggression, a desire to hurt oneself or another. The ego is the only part that of the mind which has full contact with the conscious, and it attempts to govern the impulses of the id while also satisfying the id’s needs. The superego contains a person’s morals as learned in childhood, usually from the parents. The superego tries to persuade the ego to do the “right thing” rather than giving in to the id’s desires.

Importantly, Freud taught that there exists a finite amount of energy distributed between the id, ego, and superego. Obviously, in marriage counseling, there are two minds at work, each one id, ego, and superego operating at different levels
Freud, along with fellow psychoanalysts Carl Jung and (later) Erik Erikson, taught that human personality is formed over time, but these three disagreed over the amount of time involved. Freud believed that the personality is almost completely shaped by age six, and is marked by the phallic stage, which for males he named the Oedipus complex (in which a boy has sexual feelings for his mother and becomes jealous of his father) and for females the Electra complex (in which a girl wonders why she is “missing” a penis and also works hard to gain approval from her father). Jung and Erikson departed from Freud’s thinking and believed that personality continues to change throughout the entire lifespan.
Recalling the concept of the finite amount of energy distributed among the id, ego, and superego, psychological dysfunction can be defined as an incorrect distribution of that energy. For example, too much of the energy may reside in the id, resulting in excessive pleasure-seeking behavior. As another example, the superego may have too much energy, resulting in excessive concerns with morality and an irrational amount of guilt feelings. In its application to marriage counseling, psychoanalytic thought holds that marital conflict is based on the neurotic interaction of the spouses.

Freud enumerated many defense mechanisms which the ego uses to deal with anxiety and stresses. These defense mechanisms are located in the unconscious mind. Some of the well-known mechanisms are repression, denial, reaction formation, projection, displacement, rationalization, sublimation, regression, introjection, identification, and compensation. Defense mechanisms are present in all individuals, both healthy and unhealthy. However, dysfunction occurs when an individual spouse overuses one (or perhaps uses only a few) of the available mechanisms and when he/she is oblivious to these goings-on of the unconscious mind.

A well person has his/her psychic energy properly proportioned between the id, the ego, and the superego. Most of the well person’s psychic energy is located in the ego, resulting in choices and behaviors that are rational rather then tending too much toward excessive pleasure-seeking on the one extreme or excessive guilt on the other extreme. This individual can successfully satisfy the cravings of the id while simultaneously meeting the demands of the superego.

Furthermore, a well person understands the operation of the defense mechanisms in his/her unconscious. The individual knows what the mechanisms are and is able to use any or all of them at the appropriate time. Finally, the well person understands to some degree how childhood experiences have shaped his/her unconscious.

This, the primary goal of the psychoanalytic marriage counseling is to bring the husband’s and wife’s unconscious into the realm of the conscious. This can be done in several ways. First, dreams are thought to be direct products of the unconscious mind, and the counselor can interpret the dreams which the husband and wife report. Second, by the use of free association, the therapist allows the clients to speak freely, without guidance of self-disclosure by the counselor. The therapist attempts to interpret resistances and repressions so as to better understand the unconscious. The final way of accessing the unconscious is through the therapist’s encouragement of the transference process and the subsequent interpretation thereof. Transference occurs when the clients unknowingly shift feelings towards others onto the therapist. However, in psychoanalytic marriage counseling, there is also transference between the spouses.

By making the unconscious conscious, the therapist helps the clients to make their own choices in life rather than being ruled by the unconscious defense mechanisms. In the process the ego is strengthened and energy is drawn away from the id and/or superego. Psychoanalytic marriage counseling can take several years to complete this process.