What is Conscious Parenting?

Let's All Make More Conscious Choices with Our Children

So, what exactly (you might ask), is Conscious Parenting? The term hasn't made it to the dictionary yet, but more and more parents are talking about it.

At its heart, doesn’t Conscious Parenting have to start with becoming conscious?? I think we need to actively pay attention to the parenting choices we make throughout each day:

- What are we doing, saying, not doing and not saying to our children?

- Why are we behaving the way we do – what do we hope to accomplish?

- What is the likely result of our choices – what will we probably accomplish?

For example, suppose you put your baby to bed and let her cry herself to sleep. Why are you doing this?

You might say, “She needs to learn to sooth herself,” or “She needs to learn to sleep on her own,” or even “I am exhausted and haven’t had a full night’s sleep in three months and I NEED A BREAK!”

All of these might be valid needs, but will your choice of action most likely get you what you desire?

Will your baby truly learn to sooth herself, or will she more likely learn that the world is a cold and scary place and that no one can be depended upon to care for you when you are in need?

Will she learn to feel that she is alone on this planet of six billion people and that she must always struggle to survive?

Will she learn to treat her own children this way, thereby perpetuating this pervasive feeling of aloneness in our society??

Fast forward to the school years. Suppose you are upset, because your child failed his math test. You tell him that as punishment, he cannot go to the movies this weekend. Now you may think, “This feels appropriate. I am teaching my son that actions have consequences.”

Well, so do yours.

What are the lessons your son is most likely learning? Might they include the belief that your love and acceptance are contingent on his achieving good grades in school?

Might you be teaching your child to control others with threats and coercion – skills that he will later use on the playground, or with younger siblings – or his own children?

Sometimes, it is easy to decide what we are doing wrong as parents, but much harder to discern what actions to take instead.

Here are just a couple ideas:

1. Start paying closer attention to your interactions with your child, today.

2. If you make a choice that you regret, back up and replay the scene with your child. It is okay to say, “That’s not what I really wanted to say. Let’s try again.”

3. Remember that your single most powerful influencing tool is your own behavior. Let the way you conduct yourself on a daily basis be your child’s teacher.

4. Relax. Breathe. Trust that each moment is a new opportunity to make positive change in yourself, your family and the world.

Know that you and your children are beautiful, eternal beings. Blessings to you and your family and have a wonderful day!