Beautifully Broken Mothers

As “Mothers Day” approaches, we become more aware of the relationship we have with our mothers and children. It is set aside to celebrate one of the most important days in the year; the one who gave us life. There are more bouquets of flowers sent on the special day than any other day in the year; more long-distant calls than any other day. A “lucky few” of us may even be able to spend some quality time with our mothers or our children. If you are one of the “lucky few” treasure the time! When we decide to take this beautiful journey into “Motherhood” we only had thoughts of what a beautiful baby we would soon be bringing home. It’s a good thing that is all we think about as we enter parenthood.

But in my experience, both individually and in my limited practice, the great “Mother - Child” relationships are seemingly fewer and far between. This seems to be true in most families. Sometimes as we are growing up certain of our short comings are mixed in with our gifts to our children. My theory is that our parent’s flaws and gifts dramatically influence who we become. We each are constantly looking in the (family) mirror at the part of us we choose to deny. I have five sisters and the absolute worst thing we could ever do to them is to say “You are just like MOMMY”.

The joys of family far out way the sorrows and pain but it is the rare family that can claim to be dysfunction free. A wise man once asked in a huge lecture hall if anyone in the audience came from a family that was not dysfunctional. And if so, would they please raise their hand. A few brave souls raised their hands and he politely informed them that they were all in denial. Having worn the crown of the Queen of Denial and martyrdom, I would tend to think he is correct.

The harder I try NOT to annoy my children, the more annoying I become. Even compliments I make come out sounding like criticism. Our desire not to upset or let down our children or parents, especially in this economy, seems to be a major theme. Parents are being forced to tell their children they cannot afford college for them or that they are going to lose their home. Many seniors are hiding the fact that they are losing their homes or cannot afford their medication wondering if they will be in the street soon; but too ashamed to say anything to their children. Parents are experiencing a sense of failure and embarrassment.

Adult children are being forced to move in with mom and dad after the divorce or layoff just to keep a roof over their children’s heads. As the national pandemic of drug addiction increases and conflicts have developed in Iran and Pakistan, the number of sons and daughters in harm’s way increases.

Over 1,000,000 our family members either are currently in harm’s way in combat areas now or could be in the future. The mothers, fathers and children are always under enormous stress over the uncertain fate of their loved ones.
The number of relationships currently destroyed due to drug addiction, whether the drugs are prescription of not, has reached pandemic numbers that would stagger the mind. Families are even more fractured because of divorce and the transient nature of the job market requiring family to uproot and move upon short notice. More than ever before, we are faced with strained family relationships. This is where all healing needs to begin; within the family of origin and within ourselves. Then, and only then, can it ripple out to the world.

Our deepest wounds will undoubtedly have been caused by mom or dad. Family holidays are a good opportunity to measure how much healing and growth has occurred from year to year. Ask yourself what you most dislike about family gatherings and you will have a laundry list of things to work with. Keeping a little journal of family holiday hurts would be a great way to dig deeper into the still open wounds that only family seem to be able to find. It will also amaze you that the “Designated Annoying One” in the family, can be quite wonderful after we heal our own insecurities that match theirs. Energy patterns run for generations.

Usually, I find that if my client doesn’t get along with their mother; their children don’t get along with them for the exact same reason. When we decide to heal the wound through whatever means we choose such as forgiveness, EFT or subconscious reprogramming, the energy of that healing will be passed down through several generations. The ripple effect is impossible to stop. Healing and forgiveness is highly contagious and can cause a pandemic that can rock the world.

My advice is to look ahead to the family gathering, whatever it is, and heal the conflict before you go to that gathering. Observe how different the “Other” family member reacts to the change in your attitude. It will amaze you that when you heal your wound, others are unable to rub salt in it. What we rarely realize is that the family member was completely unaware that what they were doing had so severely affected us. Somehow there is a matched frequency that caused the unpleasant vibration. Everything is vibration, even our most private thought and feelings.

We are all “Beautifully Broken” when we come into this world and become even more so as life shapes us into the masterpiece we are now and will continue to evolve into. We all have experienced individuals that have hurt and wounded us. So on this holiday, and every family gathering after, look for the beauty in your brokenness and others; especially your Mother. We all have our own “Battle Scares”! Know that “brokenness” is the gift that makes us special.

My favorite prayer is the prayer of St. Francis:
~When we realize that we ARE love, then we no longer require it from others.
~When we become forgiveness, we need not look for it.
~When we embody compassion and understanding, we can no longer play the part of the victim.

When we do all these things we become the “Master Sculptor”, the Michelangelo of our lives. The wounds we receive from our lessons only serve to make us more beautiful.