Dear Dr. Romance: He had to hurt me to pull away so he could start this new relationship.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I met a guy at the end of my marriage, I started to have a  relationship with him. the marriage ended and my husband moved out. My new relationship grew stronger and he had hope for a future with me. I was not ready to let people know I was in a new relationship so I  hid it for 2 years which made him frustrated and upset.
 
He wanted to start a family and live together but I continued to hide  the relationship which made him give up and fall out of love.  He told me he loves me but was not in love with me. He tried several time to end the relationship but i wouldn't let him so while he grew apart from me I grew deeper in love with him. He finally met someone while we were still together. He was very blunt and honest about her and our relationship ended fast. He had to hurt me to pull away so he could start this new relationship. I was so deeply hurt that I became mean and cruel.  I  said awful things and threaten him on the phone. He saw a side that was shocking,  I begged for him to stay i did everything in my power to win him back.  He fell deeply in love with this new women.
 
I have a motorcycle that's in his name that i told him i would stop paying on it  which i didn't  but this motorcycle  gave me control over him. He decided not to speak with me ever  again,  until one day i called him up to apologies for my behavior he was very open to listen.  He told me he was still bitter and very disappointed in me.  Then the games started, once again I tried to get him back.  He started to play head  games by saying maybe if things don't work out,  I would have to date you first, if i do i want to move in, but it was all just a game to hurt me for what i did to him.
 
 I finally caught on and just gave up then I started to be mean again. I thought his action  was so cruel and unfair.  We talked and decided to me for coffee,  we talked about how perfect this new woman was and she was his perfect match and totally flawless! and very Beautiful.   He said they were planning on having kid and a wedding in the near future. They moved in together after two month of knowing each other they are now eight  months together and six living.
 
 Things are now different between us we have worked out some our differences but we still have to workout changing the ownership of the bike and thats almost done.   What concerns me is that he  is so nice to me he calls me once a week to talk and just today we spoke in the morning and then in the evening. its friday and i told him to have a nice weekend and he said he would call me next  week sometime. Why is he calling me all the time? and why does he feel we are such good friends now? Why is he so nice? He acts like were social buddies. I just don't understand his behavior. I'm concerned, i need  advice and an answer. sorry about the long introduction leading to the questions.

Dear Reader:

I'm sorry you're struggling, but you have to look at this situation more objectively. You're twisting everything according to how you want it to be.  I don't think he's being cruel and unfair, I think you were cruel and unfair.  When he loved you, you took him for granted and kept your love hidden.  So, he got tired of that and found someone else.  He's just being nice to you, and probably trying to make sure there are no more tirades.  You blackmailed him about the bike, and you've behave very badly.  This is not the way to win someone back.  He's found someone else, you have to let him go and move on.  Get the bike ownership cleared up, and then say goodbye.

Don't try to be friends, he's moved on.  He just doesn't want to be the "bad guy" in this situation. Let him go, don't call him, don't respond when he calls you.  Stop playing games. You've been in a couple of bad relationships now, it's time to learn about healthy relationships, so you can do it different next time.  Read "What is a Dysfunctional Relationship?"  And start changing your behavior. How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free  will teach you how to build a committed,
effective partnership.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com