How You Know You’re Dating a Narcissist

You’ve met the man of your dreams.  He’s attentive, charming and great looking but there’s something nagging away at the back of your mind… and you can’t put your finger on it.  He appears to be confident and never stops talking about himself and his myriad achievements.  However, when you’re out and about in public or enjoying each other’s company playing online pokies together, he’s demanding, pushy and insists on doing everything his way!

We’ve all exhibited one or two of these character traits at some point in our lives but when they manifest all together they can be a sign of something a lot more ominous - and that’s a narcissistic personality disorder.

If the love of your life is inconsistent in his displays of affection; breaks dates, promises and appointments easily and is loath to make a commitment you may just be dating a narcissist.  Here are tell-tale signs that your man isn’t quite who you think he is: 

Throws a Tantrum When He Can’t Get What He Wants    

In the early stages of dating, a narcissist can be romantic, attentive and charming.  In fact he’ll shower you with gifts and compliments and make a great fuss about showing you off to all his colleagues and friends.  Provided you do exactly as he says - whether it’s in bed, when you’re alone or in the company of family and friends - the relationship will continue on its merry way. 

The moment you challenge him or deny him his wishes you’ll see his ugly, menacing side.  He’s likely to throw a tantrum, become emotionally abusive or even physically violent.  He may even withhold his affections or suggest a trial separation simply because you haven’t played along.  When you question his inappropriate behaviour, he’ll blame it all on you.  How dare you not do what HE wants!

Loves to Belittle People    

A narcissist has an overt sense of his own self-worth.  In his mind he’s a superior being that can do no wrong.  Everyone else out there is well below the dazzling benchmark he’s set for himself.  As a result, he gets a kick out of belittling people, especially those who are carrying out a service like a waitron at a restaurant, croupier at a casino or receptionist at a hotel. 

He likes to embarrass people in public by making ridiculous demands and when they are not carried out to his satisfaction, he’ll let them know about it in a particularly loud and unpleasant way.  In his mind everyone else is a fool and he’s god’s gift to the universe. 

He’s Completely Self-Absorbed   

The narcissist is self-absorbed and loves to dominate conversations.  In fact he will rarely talk about anything else but himself.  All conversations will be about how he’s feeling, whether he’s happy or unhappy in the relationship, what sort of upbringing he had as a child and how well he’s done at school, university and in the work environment. 

He’ll go into great detail about his achievements and often exaggerate about his accomplishments.  He’s boastful and arrogant and when you try to tell him a little about your life before him, he’ll get irritated and angry that you’ve had the audacity to veer away from his favourite topic… HIM.  If your partner is a really poor listener but insists that you hear every tiny detail of his life over and over again, beware! 

He’s Unreliable and Inconsistent    

Narcissists have no problem in breaking promises, vows and arrangements.  In fact they are completely unreliable.  They regularly arrive late for dates leaving you kicking your heels for hours at a time or they simply stand you up and make all sorts of pathetic excuses as to why they couldn’t be there or even call you to cancel.  

They really couldn’t care less that you are being put out and even though they’ll beg your forgiveness and make wild promises that it will never happen again… it always does.

They are also inconsistent in their displays of affection and support for you.  One moment he’ll be there for you - come hell or high water - and the next he’ll be unavailable and too busy to take your calls.  He blows hot and cold and is loving and affectionate one day and cold and dismissive the next.  With a narcissist you never really know which persona is going to show up on any given day.

He’s a Commitment-Phobe 

Although he makes a great fuss about how you’re his girl - especially to his friends - he will rarely make any sort of long-term commitment.  He’ll be quite happy to move in together - probably into your pad and not his - and talk about the future but he’ll seldom pull out the engagement ring or go down on one knee and propose. 

Narcissists like to be in a relationship but they also like the idea of ‘no strings attached’.  This means they can go off without a worry in the world when someone they think is a better prospect comes along.

If you want a happy and fulfilled relationship, you definitely don’t want to get involved with a narcissist Remember… personality disorders get more severe over time.  If he’s showing tell-tale signs now just imagine what he’ll be like in a couple of years down the line.