How To Get Over Past Hurts

What are you hanging on to? For years my Dad told this story about his neighbour who stole his toy lawnmower and got away with it! Forty years later he was still indignant about the unfairness of it, how cheated he felt, the resentment he had about his mother who did not believe him and clipped him about the ears for being a tattle-tale.

Hanging on to these victim-stories is what I call the Pity Poopy Pot - it's a simmering cauldron of bad smells. If you keep putting stuff in, it keeps festering and belching out nasties. The weird thing is, even though it stinks, you are still strangely drawn to it.

And who hasn't got something that continues to get under their skin, irks them, and festers like an old pus-filled wound?

I've had some doozies too:

Like the boyfriend who borrowed four hundred dollars to feed a gambling addiction and never payed it back (grrrr);

Like the workplace that promised me an overseas trip as part of my new contract, but refused to put it in writing, and then never fulfilled the verbal promise (grrrrrrrrr);

Like my parents who sold the antique bedroom furniture they'd given me for my birthday when I was away leading canoe trips for the summer (gob-smacking, I know).

When you are wronged - intentionally or not - it triggers feelings of betrayal, hurt, pain, anger, resentment, helplessness.

And none of those feelings are feel-good, helpful or empowering. Thus they are not attractive and way out of alignment of everything you truly desire.

So what to do about the situation when you've been so clearly wronged?

First, what doesn't work: Hanging on the story of you as victim. It'll just tick you off and upset you more. Just writing up those old stories stirred some old rubbish for me - yucko!

What DOES work is telling a new story about what happened.

You need just ONE question to launch you on a new positive-thinking path:

"What do I want instead?"

This one beautiful little question re-orients you immediately to the essence of what you want so you can step away from the Pity Poopy Pot.

When you explore what you want instead, you can then move to:

"What can I learn from this?"

When you answer this question you are starting to heal.

And the Big Kahoona of letting go of past hurts is when you can see the other person or situation for what it really is:

An opportunity for you to identify what you really want and make space for that - the Good Stuff.

When you can see the person or situation from that perspective, you're nearly home.

And when you're ready to finally lift the anchor of resentment and old hurts, you are ready to:

Bless the situation or person for helping you realise what you really want, and put you on the path of growth and all good things.

So here goes:

I can see now that the gambling sucker who stole my money showed me exactly what I don't want in a life-partner - money stress - and what I do want - a partner who is respectful and savvy with money (thank you, honey!)

For the employer that 'cheated' me of what I was due I learned how important it was to speak up for myself and that I am ultimately in charge of the results I experience (to discover I am powerful creator frees me forever from victimhood - now that is one huge gift!)

And for my folks who sold my stuff, it taught me the lessons of abundance and to not be so grasping. I am always supplied with everything I need! So when they gave my futon to my niece the next summer when I was traveling, I remembered (after some initial frustration and some unhelpful stories about 'no respect' etc) that the Universe is generous and there is always more than enough. Plus I was going to Australia - a futon did not fit in my backpack. Detachment from needy and desperate energy is such a gift!

No matter what or how you have been hurt in the past, you can give yourself the gift of relief by changing the story about it.

It is my deepest wish for you that you start now - be free of all that old rubbish - what you want instead?

With love and appreciation.