Identity Crises

As I sit and review my progress over the past couple of years, I am overwhelmed at the speed and direction in which my life has taken its turn. Two short years ago I thought I was an entrepreneur, an artist, a teacher, a wife, a mom, a storyteller and a good listener. I had abilities and talents, which I could draw upon without consideration, training or education, yet I didn’t give these natural abilities another thought. I did however doubt and distrust myself about what came naturally, wondering if anything I was feeling, seeing or understanding was accurate. I had never really been attached to the outcome of how I achieved my desires and dreams; I was always flexible to that invisible guiding force pushing me forward making my successes effortless. I could not find that box or label with which to identify myself, I would try it on for size for a time and then decide it just wasn’t a good fit. Even though I finally ventured onto my true path to being a healer and teacher of the Higher Consciousness/Universal Knowledge, I was still unsure of what or who I was, I had identity crises.

“I am the type of person who will dive head first into a dry hole and trust that when I hit bottom there will always be water”. This has been my trade mark most of my life; I am an adventurer, a risk taker, a seeker of knowledge and understanding as well as inspiration for emotional healing. These traits did not always serve me to find financial success, although I did achieve every dream and desire I wanted to explore. I found myself with my arms sprawled out and my head lying on the table feeling that I had bottomed out and would never be able to see daylight again. My last business enterprise had gone by the wayside so I was in a workshop, which aided people in finding employment, further education or ideas for another business venture. I am usually a very optimistic person, but I wasn’t sure who or what I was suppose to be, the modern world did not readily accept what I wanted to offer. I was a teacher without a classroom, I was a healer without a client, I was an entrepreneur without a business and a storyteller without an audience.

The facilitator of the workshop helped me bring out all the good things deep inside of me; my skills, talents, drive, enthusiasm and life experiences. She guided me to tap my transferrable skills and talents that I already possessed and used for many years as a volunteer within the community. She showed me that I could still start a reliable and lucrative business needed within the community; I could be an inspirational speaker, she pointed me in a direction I had wondered about for years. I had wanted to be a speaker who helps those with emotional issues. I began work right away, I wrote introductions to inspirational stories that I could talk about at women’s groups, mental health centers’ and service clubs. I requested and received letters of recommendation from people I had worked with in these areas, which I posted on my new web site, as well as all the awards and achievements from my lifetime.

I was making the final changes to my “Anne’s Story” web site, which was named after the movie of my life story. The movie, about my childhood abuses played to over 2 million people across Canada and was used in clinics as a teaching tool. I had started to make a list of possible groups to contact for speaking engagements. Meanwhile I had also been directed by Spirit to start a healing circle in order to learn from the many healers in the community. I was being directed how to be a healing vessel by Spirit, how to hold space, but I didn’t know the names of the healing modalities I was performing. The speakers coming to the group shared their knowledge with me and everyone else, opening up and clarifying my life purpose. I now had everything I had wanted, even though it wasn’t exactly what I had asked for. There I sat, I went from no work, and no business, to a new business and a healing circle where I could learn from and aid others in their healing journey.