Living someone else’s dream

I am from the middle east, from a very big family who have roots in Jordan, Palestine, Egypt. As a female from a big family, I was raised to behave. I wasn’t allowed to laugh loudly because it is considered impolite.
I am sure my mum and dad had a very hard time raising me, I was a hand full, naughty, have my own mind. Having them as my parents wasn’t also easy for me, but I always said to myself: they raised me the way they knew, and they wanted me to be good woman.
If I ever asked my mum and dad “What is your dream for me?” their answer would be to get a good education, get married and have a family. These are the society dreams or expectations for every female.
If you ever asked me what you want to be: my answer would be a belly dancer, a dream I never dared to say loudly, because according to my family rules belly dancing was not respectful thing at all, showing so much skin and doing sexy moves was not a thing that they will accept for me to do.
I remember once my mum told me before going to a wedding party: dance respectfully. I didn’t understand what that supposed to mean. And till today I don’t know what dancing respectfully would mean. I know I lose my senses while dancing, I become another person who forgets about family, rules, reputations. I just dance.
I grew up, graduated from the university with a master degree in computer science, got married and had a family. My degree helped me in migrating to Australia. But those things never fulfilled me, they weren’t my dream, they were someone else’s dream. They are the society, culture and family dreams and standard to the successful woman.
At the age of 40, everything fell apart, I got divorced: apparently, my husband wasn’t happy with me. I decided that I didn’t want to peruse my career in computer science. It is so stressful for me. Honestly, I was lost, I lost hope, faith, I don’t have any vision or dream for the future.
The universe sent me some people to help me, a group of spiritual people who with their help I restored the meaning of life again. One of my spiritual teachers told me: do the things that makes you happy. It took me a while to put dancing on my list again as one of the things that makes me happy.
To my surprise not only whenever I was down, I put on some music and lose myself with dancing, but I start to teach people how to be happy. To open the bag that they put all the happy memories and things that they love to do in life and forget about it and bring it again into their lives.
Uh, I also laugh loudly, as loud as I can, and I don’t care what people may say.
Today I am a spiritual healer, teacher, and counselor. A job that not only fulfils me but makes me happy, it’s a job in which I am living my dream.

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