My Husband Is A Burden: I Feel Like My Husband Is A Burden

My Husband Is A Burden: I Feel Like My Husband Is A Burden

In "Resurrecting Venus", a book that teaches how to embrace your feminine power, Cynthia Occelli states the following: "Modern women routinely gab about their incapable husbands, who couldn't manage their lives without them. They see men as incompetent and no longer trust them to solve problems or make decisions. Fathers are no longer viewed as necessary participants in child-rearing. More and more children are raised in households headed by women and grow up with no direct experience of a man in a healthy, positive leadership role." Throughout the book, Cynthia speaks to the need for women to own their worth, stand in their power but not through traditional "masculine" means. Her refreshing view of divine feminine power goes on to say that "men will do what they have to do to attain what they want. No less. If we require nothing of them, we can expect nothing." As women enter a century of financial, professional and personal freedom, they are finding themselves in the breadwinner role, whether they expected to be there or not. What remains troubling is how often women breadwinner marriages flounder as a result of this financial and professional power.

But... so many women breadwinners say, "How can I not be the key person driving decisions in my house when I'm the one bringing in most of the income? How can I not take the lead when I'm expected to do that in so many areas of my life?" These are fair questions to ask but the question is not how to relinquish power as a woman breadwinner but how to share it in a way that keeps both spouses feeling empowered, nurtured, and cared for.

So much of the literature says that women breadwinner marriages have all sorts of problems: infidelity, marital stress, an emasculated husband and a masculine wife, essentially a reversal of roles that leaves a man feeling like a boy and a woman feeling like a man. But can the woman breadwinner marriage work? Of course it can!

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As Cynthia Occelli points out, it's critical to return the woman breadwinner's husband to the throne: "Return your man to the throne by allowing him to fix things, solve problems, figure things out, and make decisions without your involvement... Ask for his help. Ask his advice. Let him come to your rescue every now and then. Enjoy the easy feeling and freedom of carrying less of the burden and having a man who has your back, a man you can trust. He needs you to need him. You cannot comfortably sit on both thrones. It's okay to let go."

In other words, allow your partner to share the lead role when it comes to major life decisions, daily household management tasks, and pivotal, in-the moment decisions. More than that, the keys to creating a marriage that flourishes (woman breadwinner or not), lies in creating a relationship with shared values, vision and ample connection time.

Dr. John Gottman, author of "The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" uses The Sound Relationship House when he works with couples in therapy. Dr. Gottman believes strongly that when two spouses build love maps (getting to know one another's life dreams, hobbies, interests, and cares), share fondness and admiration, turn towards each other (rather than away), focus on the positive in their partners, manage conflict well, make life dreams come true, and create shared meaning, they are able to build a strong, loving, vibrant marriage that stands the test of time. For women breadwinners, making AND keeping weekly time to build love maps is key to nurturing the marriage.

Knowing and being known is a key way to show love in any relationship and it's so easy to get caught up in daily living (working, earning, parenting, etc.) that women breadwinners can get focused on the details of daily life and lose sight of the intricacies of their partners. How do you overcome that?

1. Devote at least 30 minutes a week to "couple time" where you get to know your partner (What stresses him? What worries him? What are his hopes and dreams? What is his favorite food? Least favorite food? Three favorite movies?) and he gets to know you.

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2. Make a conscious effort to show and say love daily. Sex is a way that men show love to women. Making time for sex is critical to marital satisfaction.

3. Make discussions sharing time, not debate time. Instead of going into a discussion looking to prove your point or be right, see every discussion as an opportunity to share and know your partner. Make your presence a safe place to land, somewhere where he can say anything and still feel loved and appreciated. In other words, leave criticism at the door. Remember: no one learns their lessons from someone who judges them.

4. Know how to say "I'm sorry" without making it about pride or being wrong. Trust that even when disagreements occur, the two of your are a team. Don't give up on communication, even when you need to take breaks from it in the moment. In other words, commit to making things work and believing that they will.

At the end of the day, the woman breadwinner marriage is as likely to succeed and flourish as any other marriage. As long as both partners feel they are part of a team and feel heard and appreciated, there's room to grow, flourish and love. It's critical that women breadwinners allow themselves to show up as wives in their marriages, not bosses, to have a safe place to land in their husband's arms, and to give their spouses respect and admiration, not based on traditional gender roles but based on the unique dynamics of a marriage built upon love, trust, and respect.

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There are so many stereotypes in marriage. Probably the worst one is that the man goes out and works and the woman stays home, gets pregnant, takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans and pleases her husband when he demands it. Well, if ever there was a bigger load of bunk in this world. The truth is, especially in today's marriages, those days, if they ever existed, are long gone. It's a new world with new rules. And if you want your marriage to succeed you better get used to those rules, guys and gals. Otherwise, you're going to be standing in front of a divorce judge before you can say Bob's your uncle.

For starters, because of the state of today's economy, women really can't afford to stay home anymore unless her husband has a really incredible job. That is a very small percentage of the population. The reality is that most families these days are two income families. Get used to it. Things are not likely to change soon.

So what exactly does that mean? Well, for one thing, it means the woman doesn't get to lounge around at home anymore doing those fun things like cleaning and laundry. When 6 PM rolls around, most likely both she and her husband are coming home from work. Things that normally got done around the house while the husband was at work aren't done anymore. It's a whole new world, which means there are new rules. At least there should be.

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What new rules you ask?

Let's start with doing the dishes after your wife makes a hot meal. Maybe it's time you guys starting helping out. Maybe share the chore. Wife washes, husband dries. Maybe alternate. For that matter, why not have your husband cook for you once in a while? Okay, if he's a lousy cook scratch that idea.

Laundry. Unless your husband is color blind, which many men are, there is no reason why he can't do the laundry once in a while. It might do him some good to learn things like that.

Speaking of learning, usually in a home, either the husband or the wife pays the bills every month. It may not be such a bad idea if both of you learned how to do this if for no other reason than if God forbid something happens to one of you, you don't have to worry about PSE&G turning off your power or GM repossessing your vehicle.

The truth is, when it comes to doing just about anything that requires some kind of skill, it really is a good idea for both the husband and wife to know how to do them. Nobody knows about life and death or even illness. A debilitating illness like MS or Alzheimer's can make it so that one of the partners is no longer able to function. When that happens, the other is left to do everything. If they've had no practice doing the various chores around the house, this can be a real culture shock as well as a terrible hardship.

So do yourself a favor guys. Learn how to take out the trash.

It's not that hard.

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Marriage relationship is a very important part of human life. All cultures of the world acknowledge the importance of being married and having a family. Couples concentrate on maintaining strong relationship between them. You must do everything that is right so as to save your marriage when there is a disagreement or any turbulence because divorce isn't a good option or the only way of solving problems.

At times there are disagreements between your partner or family members because they cannot take your comments lightly. By the way, how do you associate with your in-laws? Do they respect you and do you respect them? There should be clear boundaries between your in-laws and yourself. These boundaries should be respected so as to have a healthy relationship. In most cases wives complain that they cannot get along with their mother-in-law. However, there is always a way that you can deal with your mother-in-law so that there exists respect between you and her.

There is nothing like a perfect marriage relationship since there will always be issues that will arise and need both couples to be committed in solving them together. Many marriages that started so well with lots of love between partners are ruined because of lack of understanding.

Sometimes couples are pushed into thinking that a fellow family member is interfering with his or her marriage life. There are many other issues that might create tension between spouses but if you are intelligent enough you will understand that there are low moments in a marriage relationship. Family members and couples may not be happy with each other all the times thus creating a gap between members of the same family and even between couples. It is your responsibility as a wife or husband to save your marriage by ensuring that you solve problems whenever they arise.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Sometimes your spouse may not be happy with you about certain family issues. What seems to be a small argument may lead to a separation and finally a divorce. If your spouse isn't willing to understand, it is upon you to understand the issues affecting you and try to search for the best solutions. First of all figure out why your spouse is angry and identify the genuine reasons for his or her anger. The family unit is very important to get wasted over family issues and that is why you must resolve the issues using the best approach.

If your husband or wife has been avoiding family matters because you made him or her angry, you need to make a bold move and resolve the issues together. Don't just give up but play a big role is ensuring that problems are resolved. The best way to do this is by taking sometime just being with your partner so as to talk to one another. If you think that taking a simple vacation with your partner will resolve your marriage issues then that is exactly what you should do.

Talk to your partner and try to make him/her understand the situation. Chances are that issues will be resolved after discussing your marriage problems together. Marriage problems will be resolved only if you listen to your spouse. Don't be a dictator, blame your partner or perceive yourself to be right. Likewise, if your spouse is mad at you for certain reasons, you can cool down his/her temper by giving him/her a romantic gift such as a bouquet of flowers. If the matter is serious, you can discuss it with your spouse and come up with ways that will help you restore the happy marriage you had before problems occurred.

The best way to save your marriage is by trusting one another, understanding each other and always communicating effectively with one another so as to solve issues affecting you and your partner. Do not forget also to love one another because love is the basis of a marriage relationship.

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