My Sexless Marriage Is Killing Me: No Intimacy In Marriage From Husband

My Sexless Marriage Is Killing Me: No Intimacy In Marriage From Husband

I once heard a comedian say "Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, the meaner I get." Can you relate? Sex does so much for the human mind, body and soul in so little time. It is a great tool for healing, love, stress relief, even exercise. To go from having unlimited access to sex to ACCESS DENIED is a major upheaval in any relationship. In a marriage, it feels like a death.

Why?

That's the #1 question spouses ask when their partners shut down sexually. What's ironic is that, a lot of the time, your spouse won't give you a direct answer.

Here are five no B.S. reasons that your marriage has gone from sex-filled to sexless:

#1 - Loss of attraction/chemistry. Either your partner feels less attracted to you for some reason or he/she feels less attractive in general. Sexy is as sexy does and if your spouse isn't feeling the magic, chances are, you won't be either.

#2 - Increased stress and life pressure. New babies, new bills, new house, new job, and funny money all contribute to one or both partners putting worry on the brain rather than sex. Stress kills libido. Without libido, ain't nothing going on but the rent.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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#3 - A history of childhood/youth sexual assault or abuse. There may be issues in your spouse's past (incest, molestation, rape) that you don't know about but it is these exact memories/unhealed experiences that are creating negative associations to sex within your spouse. If, every time you touch your partner, all he/she can think of is "Sex is bad", sex is not going to happen. Healing must take place first and that isn't your work; that's for your partner to initiate and work on.

#4 - Low self esteem, insecurity, and poor body image. Nothing will make a man or woman incapable of fully participating in sex faster than a poor sense of self. If your partner is constantly worried about "performing" in the bedroom, he/she is constantly judging him/herself which stems from a lack of self esteem and poor body image. Again, this is an inside job. Your partner has to work on loving him/herself enough to know that what he/she offers is the best. Either way, do your best not to take it personally. This is happening because of them, not because of you. Be supporting and encouraging. That's your role.

#5 - He or she's not attracted to your gender. Maybe he's gay. Maybe she's a lesbian. Maybe he or she is straight or bi. People tell lies and they especially lie to themselves and there are many people today who live closeted lives, hiding their true sexuality from everyone they know. However, what happens (or doesn't happen) in the bedroom never lies. Ask clear questions and pay particular attention to what's NOT being said. As Maya Angelou once said, "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!"

Pay Close Attention Here-

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Focusing on the "Don'ts" in life gives these thoughts and actions energy. "I don't want to be late, I don't want to gain weight, I don't want to get pulled over," (I can hear the sirens roaring as I write this!) The list of "don't want" negative self- talk goes on and on. This self-talk is costly. It attracts negative energy into your life. And energy is Power! Focusing on "do's" or positive actions, brings pure, positive energy into your life, and, in this case, into your marriage.

Here are the Top 3 Do's for married couples or life partners:

1. DO express gratitude for your spouse.

2. DO be passionately involved with each other every day.

3. DO be present and aware.

Let's begin with Number 1, expressing gratitude for your spouse. It's easy to list the gripes. Chatting with friends about what's bothering you about your mate will fuel the fire of the negative situation. Instead, notice your partner's great qualities. This takes thoughtfulness, which in itself is a precious gift to give your spouse. Lavish him with appreciation. Douse her in words of admiration. Giving the gift of noticing the good we see in others is a must in creating a great marriage.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Next, we'll delve into the importance of being passionately involved with your spouse. Rather than wait for a weekend date night or monthly outing, create the time and space to BE in one another's presence. Talk with, listen to, touch, beam at, and soak in, this other human who chose to share his or her life with you. Do this often, many times daily. When we care enough to make time to be together, we send a strong message of devotion to our mate. Being involved with your spouse is a key to marital greatness.

And last, be present and aware. For your marriage to achieve greatness, you must be in attendance! That means your self-talk must hush. Thinking of emptying the trash, paying the bills, and returning calls while with your mate will zap all intimate connection from your marriage. A powerful technique to bring your attention to your marriage is to start with noticing your breath. Breathe deeply. At the same time, notice the feeling of your feet planted on the earth. A brief exercise like this one will clear your mind so you can be fully present with your mate. It takes practice to be present. Small doses of presence are great gifts to your marriage.

Creating and maintaining a great marriage is easy. The first step is gratitude. Notice the good in your mate. The caring acts, the generous offers, the gentle guidance. You can find what to be grateful for. Express your gratitude. It's your key to a great marriage.

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Does your marriage lack the spark it used to have? Most married couples tend to lose passion and appreciation for one another as the years go by. Many married couples are finding themselves wondering what happened over the years. Worse still, some couples reach the point where the marriage has gotten so bad that they are struggling to find ways to save a marriage.

Why do marriages break down? Well the fact is most people change after they are married. The days of passion and having fun seem to fade away. Maybe this hasn't happened to you yet, maybe you work hard to keep the spark alive in your marriage, but unfortunately some people are too late. People tend to try and fix things once it's broken, you may have heard from your friends or about people changing to save a marriage. Often they have the right intention and not the right tact, inevitably things just get worse.

Many couples get excited at the thought of marriage, standing at the wedding altar and exchanging vows is the beginning of a new and happy life together. Well, at least it is for the early years anyway. However the act of marriage and exchanging wedding vows does something to a majority of couples.

Vowing to join 'in sickness and in health, till death do us apart' seems to translate to 'No matter how dire the marriage has become, you're not leaving!' Complacency affects most marriages, even for a short while, perhaps it's because we take it for granted that the other half will stick around no matter what happens. The relationship changes, priorities change and we may fail to appreciate each other at times. Now that you're married you have other more important things to worry about, children, finances, the roof over your head, paying bills and putting food on the table.

Life becomes a routine and the lust begins to fade away for each other. Sure you still love each other, but it's not the exciting love and appreciation that you shared for each other during your first encounters or your honeymoon. Many marriages that eventually break down have been slowly going downhill for quite sometime, before any spouse even attempts to find ways to save a marriage.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

The problem is that marriage for some seems to give them the right to do what they want. They think that now that the chase is over and they've found a mate for life, they can finally relax and do what they want.

Statistically a higher percentage of married men and women are overweight than non married couples. It's true, even I'm guilty of putting on a few pounds! We're no longer chasing or trying to impress the opposite sex. It's common for married couples to look a little scruffy and unkempt after all there's no need to go through all the hassle of trying to look fit and good anymore, there's no one to impress.

You might think that it's harmless for you to gain a few pounds or to let you hair grow out but it's not. Just because the chase is over, it shouldn't mean that you can just let yourself go completely. After all wouldn't you much prefer if your spouse continued looking the way they did before marriage? However this is still only a minor problem compared to the real issue. The real issue is that often spouses not only let themselves go, they let go of the relationship. By that I mean they stop doing the things they used to do, such as being romantic and affectionate and even saying those all important words 'I love you.'

Often a spouse will fail to see the signs that the marriage is going under and when they should be looking for ways to save a marriage, they continue to neglect and ignore their partner. This can often leave a spouse dissatisfied and either their eyes begin to wonder or they want to break up. It's not uncommon for spouses to consider having an affair when the romance, fun and love have gone from their marriage.

Married couples need to realize that marriage isn't the end of the race it's the beginning of a new life. The 'finish line' is hinted in the wedding vows 'till death do us apart'.' Marriage is not a time to become complacent; it's a chance to build a solid foundation for the relationship.

It's not uncommon to find people changing to save a marriage. It's never too late to do something to repair a marriage in trouble. Those that try and seek the right guidance can succeed.

It's as important to find ways to save a marriage as it is important to find ways to build back up a relationship. Once a marriage is saved it's important to know how to bring back the romance and passion, and to start appreciating each other again.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Do you want to stop a divorce? Here's some good news for anyone experiencing marital difficulties. If you take the right approach, you can save your marriage.

Obviously, things are tough right now and you're wondering if there's any realistic way that you can save your marriage. Even though you're dealing with a very difficult and emotionally draining situation right now, you should feel encouraged by the strong evidence demonstrating that it is possible to stop a divorce.

First, consider the countless couples out there in stable, loving, enriching marriages who have been exactly where you are today. People do get through these things all the time. They think their on the fast-track to divorce, only to discover that love doesn't have to die in a divorce court. Look at those examples and think about what it means--you can save a marriage.

Second, think about the excellent guidance that's out there for you. There are people who spend their entire professional lives researching marriage and relationships. They uncover gems of wisdom and they're willing to share that sage advice with those in need. You don't have to go through this by yourself, in that sense. If you want to stop a divorce, the blueprints for success are readily available.

Divorce is not inevitable. People avoid the rocky shores of divorce every day. At least one partner in the relationship decides to take a stand. That person recognizes the value, potential and love in the marriage and acts to preserve it. The results can be spectacular. You can be that person in your marriage!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.