Saying No is Not for Wimps

Once I say yes, I don’t like to say no. If I make a decision, I like to stick with it. If I make a commitment to you, I’m going to keep it. If you’re my client, I want to give you all the support you need.

But what if I change my mind?

The act of saying no, can be one of the most strategic, smart, loving, profitable and honoring things you can do.

Think about how painful it is when you say yes and you really mean no. Or what about when you set a goal, and then don’t feel inspired to go for it, but you pressure yourself to get it done anyway because you wrote it down? Sure, you got it done, but was it fun?

I’m all for going for a HELL YES. That’s when you have a choice in front of you to do something, and everything about it feels good and it totally aligns with your values and goals. That’s a HELL YES! You can’t wait to jump on it.

But sometimes those things lose their attractor factor. Or maybe some other feeling or circumstance comes up and your HELL YES fizzles. Then what?

You have to give yourself the option of saying no.

That is exactly what happened to me this year. My world-traveling mother told me she was booking a trip to the Amazon and Galapagos for 2012. I immediately told her I wanted to go. I was all geared up and excited, so I made a deposit for the trip. So did my uncle. Boy, this was going to be great!

The first obstacle showed up soon after. My mate chose not to leave his business for that long. Argh. Understandable, but I really wanted him to come with me. Next, I needed to make sure I had childcare while he worked. Grandma #1 was going to be traveling with me. Grandma #2 was doing a two-month vacation during that time. My Godmother was going on vacation, too.

Doesn’t anybody park their butts at home anymore?!

Now my Hell YES seemed like a long shot. But wait! I know how the Law of Attraction works. I will just hold steady on my intention to go and a babysitter will appear (I’m a pro at this technique for having ‘date night’).

But as the months have progressed forward in time, I feel no more at ease than I did when I found out my entire family will be out of town for those weeks. As I dug deeper into my unease, I found that I really didn’t feel good about leaving my one and three year-old behind for two weeks.

I still realllly wanted to go on the trip, but it was no longer a HELL YES. It became a no. Saying no didn’t feel great but it felt better than moving forward with the original decision. A true HELL YES would be me, my mate and kids going on this vacation. Add in the rest of my family and I’ve got a triple HELL YES! So I will wait until it’s exactly the way I want it.

Saying no requires an abundance mentality. You have to trust the right and perfect opportunity or person will be revealed at a later date. HOLD OUT for that.

Saying no to a commitment is okay. There is no integrity police that will come and find you if you decide not to go to the meeting, don’t show up at a party or keep to your schedule for the day if it begins to feel like a drag. Tell your truth to anybody who needs to know and do it powerfully.

If you hire someone, accept a new client or enter into a contract and it turns out not to be a fit, you can say no. There is ALWAYS a way out and you can do it gracefully.

Saying no after you say yes is not for the faint of heart, especially if integrity is high on your values list. But if you want to have integrity with yourself, then saying no must be an option.

I’m also a huge fan of saying no right up front. It’s clear and gives the other person the freedom to move forward without you. There’s nothing worse than waiting for an answer from someone because they really want to say no but don’t have the guts to do it. Then after making you wait for eons, they say no anyway.

Be straight, it’s so much easier on everyone.

Client: Can you coach me this Friday or at 5pm today?
Me: No. I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 8am-4pm Pacific.
Client: There is no other time I can coach this week and I really need to talk to you.
Me: How about these options _________and I can give you 10 minutes right now until we can go more in depth at another time.
Client: Okay, thank you.

And if the client still resists or pushes, then they are not the ideal fit.

Boundary pushers are not ideal. Period.

I know that sometimes saying yes is scary, too. But the all powerful no brings freedom to every decision.