SMALLTALK - BECOME A PROFESSIONAL OF MODERN CONVERSATION

1. The best way to start a Smalltalk

The first sentence is the hardest. But before this happens, everyone has already made their first impression of their counterparts. Which picture would you like to show? You want to make it as easy for your conversation partner to start as you hope for yourself. So break the ice by smiling friendly and suggesting openness. Do not shy away from eye contact and look into each other's eyes and show that you would like to talk.

Now it will be easier for you to find your way in. You have made a good first impression and now all you have to do is start the casual conversation. Usually, easier said than done? Don't overthink it. You are free to talk about trivialities and almost any topic is suitable for a small talk. Adapt it to the situation. And what better way to talk about than yourself? So: Imagine nicely and say something that seems appropriate to the occasion. If you are at a party, tell who invited you and ask the question. When you are at a trade fair, professional questions and ideas can play a role.

2. Choose the right Smalltalk topics

The beginning has been made. They have introduced themselves and revealed information about themselves, and adapted to the situation. Now it's the other guy's turn, you think? Take it off your counterpart by showing real interest and asking questions. Ask for the name and give room for a performance. You are welcome to repeat the name, so it's easier to remember it.

After the performance, the conversation should stay lively. It is now the art of deciding how much speaking time you leave to yourself or to others. Many believe that the conversation was good if you spoke as much as you can. But that's only partially true. If you are facing a shy person, it may make sense to take the helm yourself to avoid unpleasant silence. But it is much more important to adapt to the other. Smalltalk cannot be compared to power struggles or rising to a throne. A good Smalltalk lives from chatting friendly and interested about trivialities. Whether the conversation develops into a deeper level does not matter at first.

Again, don't talk too much: talk about topics that are concerned with the situation and do not trigger a controversial discussion.

Below are some examples of good topics for your conversation:
•The current weather
•The place where you are
•Food and drinks available in the situation (in the restaurant, at parties etc.)
•About current news in the industry (e.g. at trade fairs or lectures)

You should avoid these topics:
•Religion and Politics
•About other people (you don't know the connections yet)
•Finance
•Talking about negative topics

3. Have a positive influence on a Smalltalk

The last point in the "Don't"-list will now be explained. A nice chat should convey a positive feeling. Avoid personal sensitivities. If you find it too cold or too warm, if you don't like it or if you have personal problems. All this has no place in a small talk. Even if you may be a bit dishonest or have to act, these personal concerns are out of place the first time you make contact. And even if you always have a small talk with the same colleagues at the annual Christmas party - it's all about a positive little exchange and not in-depth problem analyses. This also applies if you notice or perhaps even know about third parties that your counterpart is going through a hard time. Small talk is a conversation with a certain distance. Do not drill, consciously avoid the topic and keep a respectful physical distance. When you notice that the person you are talking to is digressing into difficult topics, try to return the conversation to the simple entertainment level, smiling and positive. Do not ignore what has been said, show interest and respond to this topic.

However, take a short break for an appropriate change of topic. It is best to ask an open question on a similar but positive topic. An example: A colleague gets upset about the boss and tries to change the mood. Listen to him, he was obviously upset about something. Wanted full participation and then say: "Oh that's really annoying. Speaking of annoying, I started doing yoga a few months ago. It helps me shut down when I'm upset. Do you also do sports and which one do you like best?" Ideally, your next conversation will now revolve around different sports and possible similarities.

4. Ask the right questions in a Smalltalk

Show interest, which we have already mentioned above. To find possible similarities, you should ask open questions. With the so-called open questions, your counterpart cannot answer with a narrow yes or no. So don't ask: "Do you also do sport?", but formulate for a good small talk: "Which sport are you interested in? This way you can quickly find commonalities and create a new level. It is important that you remain honest and authentic. Even if you don't have a good day or don't feel like small talk. You don't have to be exuberant, just friendly. Be what you want, how you're treated. Keeping this sentence in mind helps in these situations.

5. End Smalltalk properly

Even the most interesting Smalltalk has an end. Maybe you need to lead some more of these kinds and can't devote a lot of time to everyone. Maybe the conversation will get tough after a while and you don't want to "torture" yourself and the other person anymore. But break it off gently! Be respectful and do not leave the person you are talking to alone. Either introduce him to a third person or take him to the buffet. In any case, thank you for the interview, hold out the prospect of a new meeting and smile.

6. Exceptions confirm the rule

The more mindfulness you exercise, the sooner you will know what the other person is ticking. Listen carefully and get involved with the person. You may find out very quickly that trivial small talk is not appropriate here. Maybe you are immediately on the same wavelength and can only laugh at trifles. Maybe the conversation gets a certain depth faster than expected. Then be open for the new kind of small talk. But beware: Sometimes appearances are deceptive. So be politely distant and take your time for the correct assessment. You can practice the tips offered at any time. Overcome yourself and talk to your unknown companion on the next elevator ride and practice small talk.

You'll see in time: The less you have to think, the better the Smalltalk works!