Why is it so Hard to Say No?

It almost seems inevitable to be unable to say the word No, despite the idea that we are in situations where we know that we should. For some, it just comes naturally, but for others, it almost seems impossible to say it even though we know that we are better off if we did. So why does this happen when the word No is right there, but some strange reason, the word Yes is what comes out?

Now I’m not talking about the instances where saying No would have profound effects on some situational experience in our life such as marriage, job, or our children. What I am talking about are the situational experiences when saying No is appropriate, and more specifically, indicated to meet our own needs and desires. It almost seems repulsive when we do this in these situations because we regret it before we even say the word yes. Why is this, and why does it constantly occur?

There are many reasons why this occurs, and most of them are situations that are fully within our control. Below is a couple of reasons why this happens and what we can be done in order to change what almost seems to be inevitable to happen.

Some people have a mentality that is over passive in nature. This over passive nature has a tendency to conflict with our own decision making processes as what we want to do or say is not always what ends up occurring. These individuals would rather yield to the other person rather than say yes and cause some sort of conflict. Giving-in in these types of situations goes against our own gut feelings as we know that we should be sticking up for what we believe in.

Think before you speak; When asked a question, some people have a tendency to answer right away with no thought about what is truly being asked and what the repercussions of the answer might be. This happens in many individuals who are quick-to-react, impulsive, and ultimately end up regretting their decision when they have had ample time to reflect.

Understand and take hold of your self esteem. People who have problems with low self esteem tend to not trust their true feelings, and therefore, succumb to the pressure of others. You have to believe in yourself and the decisions that you can and should be making. Try this once, try it twice, and before long, your self esteem will increase to the point where your decision making processes will be a thing of the past. You will develop the trust in yourself as your nature to say the word No will be reflective of this.

If you are still finding it difficult to say the word No after taking heed of the above information, try introducing alternative answers into the equation. This means to look at other ways of changing the situation itself to where a yes or no answer would not be indicated. Take for instance that you were asked by your boss to work on Saturday which is your routine day off, but you already made plans with the family for that day. Saying No in this situation may be difficult for many on a professional level, and in retrospect, saying yes may bring problems to their home-life situation. Introduce an alternative into the equation such as working late on Friday or coming in on Sunday so that the deadline can still be made by Monday. In the end, all parties will be happy with the answer, outcome, and more importantly, you will be happy with the alternative that was created which will keep all facets of your life in harmony.

The biggest negative impact that this can bring about is the lack of self respect that others have on you, and the lack of self respect that you have on yourself. When others see that they can get you to say what they want you to see, they tend to abuse your decision making processes. Before long, these individuals will be coming to you for an answer that they know they will get, after having a clear understanding of what you are able to do.

Being able to say the word No is something that we all need to learn to do as there are many outcomes that we can positively affect in our own lives. Taking control of these situations helps to make us happier people, and at the same time, creates an atmosphere of solidarity. Try it, say it, and embrace the idea to say No.