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SelfGrowth.com founder David Riklan explains Dr. Phil's Ten Life Laws. Part of the Change Your Life in Five Minutes or Less series.
Dr. Phil McGraw is one of the most recognized and most controversial talk show hosts in America. Many people credit him for changing their lives. Others are turned off his abrasive, confrontational style. Dr. Phil McGraw has a PHD in psychology and practiced for 25 years. He then turned this experience with how the human mind operates into a hugely successful legal career as a trial strategist. It was through this work that he met Oprah Winfrey, who was so impressed with his style and his insights on life that she brought him to television and made him the TV star he is today. Dr. Phil considers himself a student of human nature first and foremost.
In his 1999 book “Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters,” he lays out his ten laws of life. As he puts it; “No one is going to ask you if you think these laws are fair, or if you think they should exist. Like the law of gravity, they simply are.” Agree or disagree – that’s Dr. Phil’s style.
Life Law #1: You either get it or you don't.
According to Dr. Phil, those who "get it" understand how things work and have a strategy to create the results they want. Those who don't are stumbling along looking puzzled, and can be found complaining that they never seem to get a break.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience.
This means taking responsibility for your life. Dr. Phil doesn’t believe in victimhood. If you’re in a bad relationship, if you’re in a job you hate, if you’re overweight, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
You are creating the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from those situations. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Instead, start choosing the right behaviors and thoughts. Eventually, it will lead to the positive outcomes you want.
Life Law #3: People do what works.
Even the most destructive behaviors have a payoff. If they didn’t, you wouldn’t do them, right? So, if you want to stop behaving in a certain way, you have to recognize what you are gaining from it. Then figure out other, more constructive ways you can gain what you need.
Life Law #4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
If you're unwilling or unable to identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors, characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your life.) You've got to face it to replace it.
Acknowledgment means slapping yourself in the face with the brutal reality, admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you are doing, and giving yourself a no-kidding, bottom-line truthful confrontation. You cannot afford the luxury of lies, denial or defensiveness.
Life Law #5: Life rewards action.
Talk is cheap. It's what you do that determines the script of your life. Measure yourself and others based on results — not intentions or words. Decide that you are worth the risk of taking action, and that your dreams are not to be sold out. Know that putting yourself at risk may be scary, but it will be worth it. You must leave behind the comfortable and familiar if you are to move onward and upward.
Life Law #6: There is no reality, only perception.
You know and experience this world only through the perceptions that you create. You have the ability to choose how you perceive any event in your life, and you exercise this power of choice in every circumstance, every day of your life. No matter what the situation, you choose your reaction, assigning meaning and value to an event.
Life Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
You are a life manager, and your objective is to actively manage your life in a way that generates high-quality results. You are your own most important resource for making your life work. Success is a moving target that must be tracked and continually pursued.
Effective life management means you need to require more of yourself in your grooming, self-control, emotional management, interaction with others, work performance, dealing with fear, and in every other category you can think of. You must approach this task with the most intense commitment, direction and urgency you can muster.
Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.
You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.
Life Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.
Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you.
Life Law #10: You have to name it before you can claim it.
Not knowing what you want — from your major life goals to your day-to-day desires — is not OK. The most you'll ever get is what you ask for. If you don't even know what it is that you want, then you can't even ask for it. You also won't even know if you get there!
By being specific in defining your goal, the choices you make along the way will be more goal-directed. You will recognize which behaviors and choices support your goals — and which do not. You will know when you are heading toward your goal, and when you are off track.
Those are Dr. Phil’s 10 Life Laws, I hope you enjoyed them. Now for our question of the day. Of the 10 laws, which ones do you consider the most important? Are there any that Dr. Phil has left out? Please let us know in the comments below.
Thanks for watching, and a special Thank You to Dr. Phil for all of your contributions to the world of Self Improvement!
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